Some days it happens in a split second- others it's a gradual climb to boiling point, but it happens nonetheless. Far too often, if you ask me.
Some days it feels like I'm drowning. And others like I'm soaring above the clouds.
Some moments melt my heart. And others force me to face the chasm between my ability to love well and my need for sanity.
Motherhood. Parenting. Life between four walls with three small people with very big personalities. I could have never imagined my life would look like this! I want to run away from it all and hold on for dear life all at the same time!
I have an incredible best friend, who I happen to be lucky enough to have married. I have three small people that are tiny, remarkable, tornadoes. I have a Heavenly Father who is ever-so patient with me. We have a business we are blessed to be running. We have a church family we are so thankful to be a part of. We have a beautiful life.
And yet, somewhere along the line I lose it. I fail to find my footing, and I respond too harshly.
The four year old is arguing about the mess he made two days ago. He doesn't want to clean it. He needs "help." And maybe I should help. I don't know.
The two year old is melting down on the stairs, kicking the wall. She's mad that I walked down the stairs without her. Maybe I should scoop her up. I don't know.
The one year old is sitting in her high hair, yelling and throwing food. Peanut butter toast and mandarins aren't what she wanted, apparently. Maybe it's teething, or maybe bananas will do the trick. I. Just. Don't. Know.
I want to know, but in this very moment, I feel nothing but panic. I want to flee instead of help, scoop or MasterChef some mystery food the one year old wants.
Where is my peace, my calm?
I'm looking for it in all the wrong places. I look for it from my cup of coffee first thing in the morning, or in my expectation of my children being pleasant and thankful for all the hard things I do, I look for it in my husband who has also had a stressful day keeping a new company running smoothly. I look for it in my music, in worship, in walking outside and getting some sun on my face. I look for it in myself somedays.
Since when was I WonderWoman who was capable of conjuring up some magical calm in the midst of chaos? NEVER.
And despite all of my searching, some days I'm still left feeling empty. Drained. Weary. So, very, broken.
And there it comes, the still soft whisper.. The gentle reminder.
"I am here."
"You're not alone."
"In Me, you find strength."
"In ME, you find peace."
"In Me, you find rest."
Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest. Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest.
My hope. My anchor. My resting place.
This life wasn't meant to be tackled alone, people. Life with littles, life in general- we're made for communion with Jesus. We're made for connection with our Creator. Without it, there is no peace.
I want to know, but in this very moment, I feel nothing but panic. I want to flee instead of help, scoop or MasterChef some mystery food the one year old wants.
Where is my peace, my calm?
I'm looking for it in all the wrong places. I look for it from my cup of coffee first thing in the morning, or in my expectation of my children being pleasant and thankful for all the hard things I do, I look for it in my husband who has also had a stressful day keeping a new company running smoothly. I look for it in my music, in worship, in walking outside and getting some sun on my face. I look for it in myself somedays.
Since when was I WonderWoman who was capable of conjuring up some magical calm in the midst of chaos? NEVER.
And despite all of my searching, some days I'm still left feeling empty. Drained. Weary. So, very, broken.
And there it comes, the still soft whisper.. The gentle reminder.
"I am here."
"You're not alone."
"In Me, you find strength."
"In ME, you find peace."
"In Me, you find rest."
Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest. Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest. Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest.
My hope. My anchor. My resting place.
This life wasn't meant to be tackled alone, people. Life with littles, life in general- we're made for communion with Jesus. We're made for connection with our Creator. Without it, there is no peace.
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