Lesson: Learned

Oooh my, this has got to be one of the most "fun" parts of being young whippersnappers raising a child of our own.

Lessons.

There are good lessons, tough lessons, weird lessons (like finding out that bouncing on an exercise ball calms down a colicky baby), and overall just some life lessons that are better to get out of the way as soon as possible.

Just a brief summary of last night's events:
We head out as a family (Tash included) to go get new bike tires and tubes. We wind up at the Target that is connected to an AMC, mall and Dick's Sporting Goods. Around 6:30 Nic says, Hey! Let's go see The Avengers! I assess the food/diaper ratio we have remaining in the diaper bag and decide we're in good standing and have enough to last us the rest of the night. Our movie doesn't start until 7:40 but thats not a big deal, we figure Hudson will fall asleep sometime around the beginning of the movie and then wake up when we arrive home to put him in bed. Well, needless to say, none of that happened. We decided moments into the trailers that we would need some more food for him so Nic runs over to Target and makes it back just in time before any of the good previews start. Hudson is getting a tad fussy so Nic offers to go stand at the back with him... They wind up on the floor, Nic still able to see the screen, and Hudsy happily playing with his shoes that Nic removed in an effort to keep him occupied. I grab a good portion of the toys and snacks from the bag, swap with him and spend a good portion of time back there. Then Tash kindly offers to come sit with him. Within about 5 min Hudson is making some pretty promising fussy sounds (I mean promising in the sense that it would easily blow up if something was not done ASAP) so Nic grabs the bottle and heads back to relieve Tash. Here I am thinking, Nic is feeding Hudson on the back wall, Hudson will fall asleep, Nic will come back to seat with Hudson and all will be well. Ha. About 15 minutes later I can faintly hear the sound of a wailing baby that seemed to be coming from the hallway and I had to check, sure enough, Nic, with a more-than-stressed look on his face, tells me that Hudson has been screaming since he got him, won't sleep, won't eat, and poor Nic left his phone in the theater and had no way of letting me know this. So I offer to take over and let Nic go watch the movie while I sit in the hall with Mr. Grumpy Gills. And yes, that is where I spent the remainder of the movie. I'd say a solid hour. Quietly sitting on a bench, just outside of the theater, while Hudson switched from playing with his shoes, bottle, my toes, his hands, crying, whining, thrashing, pulling my hair, playing with my glasses, jibber jabbering, a little more playing with his shoes, and then looking at himself in my front face camera on my iPhone. You can see his profile photo worthy self-portrait below..

So what was the lesson learned last night? Simple.

Babies hate The Avengers.

Just because..

I remember sharing at the beginning of the year about my quest to end my struggle with Trichotillomania, and by end- I mean beat it. No longer have it in my life.

I can't say that I've been 100% successful, or even 100% dedicated some days, but I can tell you things are getting better. If I have my guess right, I'd say the longest I've lasted between pulls was 2 weeks! I'm still praying for deliverance and healing, and would love if you would also pray for me. That good old scripture isn't constantly quoted for nothing.. "when two or more are gathered.." I believe there is power in numbers, and also in confession, which is why I have shared this wonderfully humbling bit of my life with all of you. I genuinely have a desire to be better, to be free of this. And I SO look forward to the day when I can run my fingers through my hair and not wince.

Tash has been living with us for a bit over a month now and I have a few things to say in regards to that (shocker, right?). First off, can I just say, I LOVE having a sister. I've wanted it all my life and I finally have some in my life! (5 sisters!! Can you believe it!!??) And THIS one happens to be fantastic. (which yes, they all are, I'm just enjoying my time with this one) She is a trooper! Among many other wonderful attributes, she is being so steadfast- sleeping on our couch, dutifully looking for a job, not complaining about the lack of space until we move to the new place, not causing a fuss concerning her almost complete lack of privacy, and I MUST  mention- giving me breaks from life as a mom with Hudson. Date nights are a new thing in this household and I LOVE them! I look forward to many more to come :)

Aside from all those wonderful things listed above (and the many more I have yet to mention) I have absolutely adored getting to spend time with her and get to know her beyond occasional talks on the phone! Nic works a lot, and she is yet to find a job so more often than not its just me, Tash and Hudson hanging out and we always wind up having just a lovely time. And in case you're wondering, yes, I have got her hooked on Friends just like me. Didnt take much time at all ;)

We have our move-out date set for May 31 and I am just so excited for it. I've been packing over the past week or so and I am really feeling pretty confident that I have a good handle on all that still needs to be done. My mind is already racing with all of the different little projects I want to do when we get to the new place. Everything from attempting to build our own breakfast nook set (diner style booth), to stenciling the walls and organizing the linen closet. I think deep down, I am my very happiest when I am getting to create. Whether it be recipes, crafty things or music- that is where my heart finds true content. Being useful and making things better! Now, if only I could find a way to bring in some extra cash when doing this, then I'd be all set! ;)

Of course, no matter what it is I end up doing, I'm sure at some point I'll wind up posting some photos of the changes. I'm sure you'll be looking forward to that day just as much as I am.

I find it incredible that Hudson is already a whopping 8 months old. Is anybody else in shock about this?! How has this happened so quickly?! Everyone warned me- everyone said it would just fly by- and I even believed them. I didn't doubt it for one second. I just didn't think it would be THIS fast.  I mean, wow. I am just amazed. 

I saw a cool quote on some board on Pinerest the other day, and I'm thinking of making some sort of piece of art to hang in Hudson's new bedroom (a nursery to decorate! Yippee!!), it's says, "cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. so settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep-  I'm rocking my baby, for babies don't keep."

Isn't that just cute? I know I sometimes find myself fretting about the way my house looks, or the untidy nature of my countertops and I just think its important to remember to relish in the sweet moments I get to have with Hudson. Cause one day there will be more Hansen babies running around, more messes to clean, laundry will always be there.. But this moment, right now? The one where he is so preciously pressed against my heart, fast asleep... This will never ever come back. And that is just so very bittersweet.

I love being a mom. I think I've said that once or twice on here. And it just continues to become more and more true. Yes, there are moments of frustration, desperation, depression and sometimes even a little bit of anger finds its way in there (like when he is SO overtired and just won't take his bottle!!) but I'd say above all, it's an absolute blessing. He is such a wonderful baby. And I just can't seem to kiss him enough.

I'm looking forward to leading worship at Cc.tv next weekend. Tim and Amy are out of town and Nic will be working so.. It's all me. And "the guys," of course. But it's literally been YEARS since I led from the piano without Nic and I am just a little bit curious about how it's gonna go. I mean, I love to lead worship, no matter what the setting but... I feel like my confidence lies in the fact that I always have Nic playing with me, leading me. It should be fun! And also probably pretty humbling. but I will let you know how it went either way.. 



I think that should just about wrap it up for now.. Until next time, cheers and God bless!

Right there, folks. That's what I call real love.

Have you ever been trying to solve one of those ridiculous brain teaser puzzles, where you push and pull and twist and manipulate and toss aside in a fit of frustration only to pick it right back up and continue the process? And then one day when you've more than given up you give it one more go and it happens, it clicks. Seemingly out of nowhere it just smoothly glides into it's proper position. And there you stand joyfully, relieved & accomplished, happy its over with, and ready to move on to the next thing to conquer.

Well, my friends, that's kinda how I can explain meeting my beloved, Nic.

I met Nic at a gathering in Kansas City, and within 2 weeks we were inseparable. We just clicked. I was dating someone else at the time, and had seen the end of the relationship a long time coming but was too afraid to do anything about it. Until I met HIM. I had been sitting there, pushing, pulling, manipulating my life to try and make it JUST FIT, RIGHT THERE. Come OOOOOON. And then, click. A sudden smooth transition that made my heart find its rest. Out of nowhere came this masterpiece of a person, a man after God's own heart, a gentleman to the core, a talented musician and a foreginer to boot. More-so than ever my heart was ready to move on. Move on from the struggle, the fight, the agonizing process of desperately trying to make things fit where the weren't supposed to.

I feel like this is how so many of our lives go. We push, we pull, we try so hard to make things fit into this tiny little mold that seems impossible. And yet, when we surrender, throw our white flag in the air, something inexplicable breaks. It's like by finally offering up our control we give God the freedom to move on. We give God the freedom to take over and give us that tiny little push in the right direction that we needed.

And then, it clicks.

It is a beautiful thing, isn't it?