25.

There is no official mark of adulthood. 

When I was growing up I thought it was as simple as drinking your coffee black (uh, no), having kids (yeah, I'm pretty sure I act less mature than they do at times), having a job or paying your bills. 

As it turns out adulthood is an ever evolving process that I'm not sure anyone ever officially masters {and if someone says they do they probably need a lot more work than the rest of us ;).} It's learning when to speak up and when to be silent, when to hold on and when to let go, when to act a fool and when to be reserved. Learning how to maneuver through difficult situations with grace and love. Learning to respect ALL others regardless of race, religion, age, income, education, sex, sexuality or mental stability. Learning to be you in the truest sense of the word. 

In light of my quarter life crisis, I thought I'd share some of the Things I've learned in my first 25 years:

Some people will never apologize. I read somewhere that we must learn to accept an apology we will never receive.. And that really hit home. It's tough, but it is crucial to be able to move on. It doesn't make it "right" or okay or easier to forget, but it makes life just a touch more bearable.

Potty training is not for the faint of heart.

Teddy bears can break things when thrown. 

Living joyfully isn't a "gift" to be acquired. Living joyfully is a daily choice.{Of which I often fail.}

No one can hurt you more deeply than your very own family members. 

And while that ^ may be true, family can also be your biggest support in this life, your best friends and a guaranteed good time. (Seriously, I have the best brothers {and sister in laws!!} in the world. You should be jealous. Very very jealous.) 

Some friendships were meant to last forever, but most are just for a season. And that's okay. 

Always, always, always wear underwear with a short dress. Never underestimate the wisdom behind bloomers, pantyhose or spanx. Use them. 

Faith is less of a one-time commitment and more of a lifelong journey. Of which you are constantly having to reassure, reassess, and respond. 

No one makes it out of this life unscathed. 

Don't marry someone because "it makes sense." Marry them because you can't imagine life without them, because you never want to make a new memory without them in it, because there is no one else in this world you would rather fight with, sit on the couch staring at your phones with, hold hands with, cuddle up for 5 minutes before returning to your respective sides of the bed with, laugh with, celebrate birthdays and holidays with, or kiss. Marry your best friend and everything else will fall into place. 

Parenting is one of the toughest challenges I've encountered. It has stripped me raw and exposed things inside of myself that are far from lovely. Yet, these tiny little humans look up to me daily with nothing but love in their eyes. Devastatingly wonderful. 

Considering all that happens in our world, spiders really aren't that scary. But that doesn't mean I'll go near one, or touch one. Ever. 

Getting out of pajamas at the start of the day is essential for any productivity to be achieved. 

Say I love you, and say it often. 

Never underestimate the impact of a simple hand written note. (Saying thank you, I love you, I miss you, a dumb joke, etc) Snail mail is a lost art form and I intend on fighting that loss, even if I have to fight it alone. 

The time it takes to make things messy pales in comparison to the time it takes to clean up. It's just a fact of life.

You DON'T hail a cab and then run to meet them in the middle of the road. Stay on the curb until they pull over, dangit. 

Kids have a sixth sense to know when; you've finally finished cleaning and are ready to relax, you are laying in bed and are just about to fall asleep, you have a sweet treat of any kind, and when you might possibly be having any fun without them.

You can't eat a ton of junk food or fried food and not get a tummy ache. It's simply a law of nature. 

Speaking of laws, you know Murphy's Law? You may as well call it "Life-As-We-Know-It Law." The pocket of your cardi gets stuck on the door handle as you rush by because why wouldn't it? You drop the LAST piece of cake frosting side down... Well, you should have been more careful. 

Hola, mi nombre es Kristin. ¿Comó está usted? Estoy muy bien, gracias. Mi español es muy malo pero conozco un poquito mas que una persona promedio.. Ooookay. ¡Adios! ¡Dios le bendiga!

You will never know the true meaning of "stealth mode" until you desperately try to back out of a sleeping infant's bedroom unnoticed, or try to waltz through the living room without making eye contact with one of your little people. Oh and remember that Murphy's Law we talked about? You WILL somehow run into that toy that you SWEAR you picked up not even 5 minutes ago which causes the kids to come running to your side thinking it was an invitation to play. 

My times tables and long division. Carry the one... (Thanks Mrs. Gunderson!)

And last, for now, if it smells like it's burning, it is most definitely burning. Get your butt to the kitchen. 

Were you keeping count? That was 25. Cause, you know, I'm 25 now.

Clever, I know. 

(no)thing

So there's this episode of Friends where they're all sitting around, as usual, discussing life and one of the guys starts lamenting over the fact that he "doesn't have a "thing," where everyone else had their "thing" in the world that made them unique or was their specialty in life that they we're passionate about. I've actually been debating in my head whether it was Ross or Chandler, because I can imagine it both ways and I think I'm probably mixing one or two or three episodes all together. Either way, I remember enough bits and fragments to have a scene in my head that's been playing over and over the past few weeks where someone shouts, "I don't have a thing!!"... Why? Because I've realized, over the last few years, I've kinda lost myself. I don't really have a "thing" anymore. 

Music used to be my number one "thing" in life, my biggest dream, my passion and pursuit, my be all and end all. You could ask just about anyone, "What does Kristin do?," and they would more than likely respond something to the tune of, "Well, she sings. And plays piano." The whole basis of Nic and my relationship was on that shared interest, music. We played shows together, wrote songs about nonsense, wrote songs about us, made googly eyes across the guitar while singing songs about our love story, fought over lyrics and melodies and timing, lead worship together, dreamt of a life traveling the world playing our songs for all to hear, made plans to never stop... 

And then things changed. Life got in the way. Kids came along. 2 huge moves took place. And here we are, nearly 5 years later without a single instrument in our home. Bits and pieces of old music books are in a pile in the garage, only because we couldn't bear the thought of throwing it all out when we moved to NZ. Somewhere along the way we've lost it, lost heart, lost the passion. 

I was pondering what people would say these days, to that same question, "What does Kristin do?" And to be honest, I've genuinely had trouble coming up with an actual answer beyond "mom stuff." Even I don't exactly know what I do anymore. But that can't be. Surely there must be something I do that means something to me...  Crumb Corraler, Vaccum Queen, Toddler Referee, Diaper Changer, Laundry Attacker, Meal Planner, Snack Supplier.. The list is endless. And yet, none of them feel like "my thing." I don't find any joy or satisfaction from them. They're more so what I have to do rather than what I want to do.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I do love my children and I know that being home with them is a blessing beyond measure, (That I'm sure in the coming years I will look back and be even more thankful for,) but the want for a "thing" is still there. I know that all of this comes with the territory, and should be expected, and is also pretty much unavoidable especially in the first years of your children's lives. I mean, everything is SO hands on. It's truly a 24/7 job that requires total dedication. It costs sleep and sanity and the ability to not pee yourself everytime you sneeze unexpectedly.

I think "losing yourself" to motherhood is somewhat  part of it all.. A part that no one really warns you about. Or maybe they do, but you somehow believe you can be different, that it won't affect you, that you can beat the system. Either way, I am ready. I'm ready to branch out, even just a little. 

As we are nearing Lottie's first birthday, (and she seems to be enjoying sleep all little more these days, *squeee!*)  I can almost feel some of the pressure releasing, I can see somewhere off in the distant horizon a shred of light, some hope for a happier, less overwhelmed me. Maybe I can become a runner again, or play my piano and write music again (somebody, find me a piano!) or start building and making things, or finish my degree!! 

Or maybe that's just my cup of coffee talking. Sigh. 

Mark my words, I WILL have a thing again soon. 

"But now, what do I look for? My hope is in You, Lord." Psalm 39:7