Where to even begin? Life has been a blur these past few weeks. Some combination of work, gym, driving long distances, and an occasional good night of sleep. Even now, as I am sitting at work eating my lunch, I can't even muster up the energy to WANT to do anything out of my usual. This is so strange to me. I am not this kind of person.
I have not slept in past 7:30am in over a month now. I guess I really am growing up. I get up around 5am, get ready for the day, work all day long, go to the gym for about an hour and a half, go BACK to work to close out the day, go home and make myself dinner. Most nights I'm in bed by 9pm and then it starts all over again. Why? Why do I live like this? My days off recently have only been me out town, living by someone else's schedule. Its nuts. I realized that this, this life I have, is the life that at least 90% of adults live everyday. You know, the very reliable 9-5 job, 2 day weekend, and then BAM It starts all over again. Even in speaking with my "regulars" here at my coffee shop, the ever so common answer to 'How are you doin?' is, 'Pause', 'I'm alright. Can't wait til Friday!' And then of course everyone around nods their head and says, 'Yeah, I understand.' Friday comes followe by a short weekend full of the things we WISH we could have been doing all week long and then it REPEATS. Its like having a CD set to repeat on a song that you hate and, yet, you continue to listen to it. Over, and over, and over again. And you know what? I don't want this life. I pray that God has something different in store for me. I am so peeved at the monotony of it all. I'm too creative, I'm too artistic. And still here I am, punchin' the time clock, working for "The Man."
Oh, to be a Rockstar.
God willing, I will do it. That WILL be my life. I WILL follow my passions. I will follow what God has placed on my heart to do since I was a little girl. Too many people today settle. They settle for something less than what they've always hoped for. I can't tell you how many people have given me "the look" when I tell them that I am currently not in school. That I am "taking a break." Yet the moment I tell them why, the moment I explain that it is so I can go to an even better school, so I can follow MY DREAMS, suddenly their whole demeanor changes. All of a sudden they look at me as the wisest young gal they've ever spoken to. They tell me that they wish they would have done the same thing, followed their passion. I refuse to be that person. I refuse to be looking at some 19 year, 30 years from now saying, "I wish I would have followed my passions." I refuse to settle for a 9-5, sit on my ass all day, whine and complain about how much I hate my life- JOB! I thank God that I only have a few short months of this lifestyle until I can start on this road towards happiness, success, my BRIGHT future.
Not to belittle people who do have this lifestyle- for some, it works! For some it is EXACTLY what they need. Routine, dependable, simple, easy to manage! All good things! Just not for me.
I was at a worship conference a couple years ago. I was leading worship on a team with my oldest brother, Mark. On the last night of the conference we had a man that prophesied over us. (God speaks to someone about someone else, it literally puts such a burden on your heart that you feel as though you cannot do anything else until you tell this other person what it is you are hearing in your heart) I hadn't seen this man again until this past weekend, at yet another worship conference. I had totally forgotten about all of the encouraging words he had spoken to me that night, 4 years ago. He reminded me that I am not supposed to be this "normal" kid. I'm not meant to be some sort of pawn in the normal day to day life. I'm not supposed to have the normal life that most kids have in high school and college. I remember feeling pretty bugged by that, to be quite honest. I was like any othwr high school kid who longed to be "NORMAL", to fit in! Now, I had plenty of friends, and sure I fit in. But now that I have reached the college stage I yearn for everything BUT normal. I hate college. Throwing money at people just so I can sit in class and be miserable SUCKS! The party life that people get sucked into SUCKS! Working half of your life after college just so you pay pay off your loans to get a degree that doesn't matter to you SUCKS! This life is not for me. Now, more than EVER, I feel that what he said to me is entirely true! As I already mentioned, this life is not for me. I long for the day of something more. I long to follow my passion, my hearts desire, and that- that my friend, is to sing.
And God has taken my hand, and will walk me through this. He is allowing this all to happen. And I could not be happier.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Ah, this is the life...
Or maybe not so much. But I don't care- I am a mere 52 hours away from my boyfraaan.
DRAMA IN MY LIFE
Part I
I have been hoarding my credit card in my desk for the past month because I am going on a trip to San Fransisco and would like to have some space on there to buy things and enjoy my much deserved vacation. Also, I just need to catch up from Christmas because I don't know how to NOT buy nice things for my family. That being said- I went online today to make yet another payment and there are 3 mysterious transactions. One for $69.99, $89.95 and $75.60. If you want to know the definition for "flip the f*** out" there was a definite display of this phrase in all of its glory! I called my bank who tranferred me to Visa who said I needed to call my bank. Ah, yes, that vicious cycle of people in CUSTOMER SERVICE who don't actually want to help you. After about an hour of playing Phone-Ring-Around-The-Rosie I was able to speak with someone who solved my issue in about 2 minutes. Apparently I have to file a dispute for each tansaction and I went ahead and blocked my card which means I'll be getting a new one.... in 7-10 business days. DAH.
Part II
Mandi and my kitten, Harvey Dent, can be destructive at times. I am trying to handle it in a very constructive manner and it seems to be working. What can I say, he's in his terrible 2's stage! He has ceased all of he habits that I "busted" him for. However, at some point in the day yesterday he got into our roomates bedroom and knocked over a box of plants she has (cacti, funky looking foliage, etc.) I hadn't even noticed that her door was open until she came home and commented on it. Her room was a wreck. :/
So Mandi and I went back to what we were both in the middle of when all of a sudden we hear this terrible sound of a what seemed to be a VERY distressed kitten. So we run to where the noise is coming from. Oh, good. Its coming from Joelle's bathroom which she has locked. Mandi starts trying to figure out what is going on when we hear Joelle say "I'm punishing the cat." Wow, great. Yeah, it really sounds like he is learning his lesson- not. So I start getting all worked up and were both pleading with Joelle to stop. And yet, she continues. Mandi, who was very upset at this point, looks at me and says, "You're gonna have to handle this. I can't deal with her." And for those of you who know me, you know that when I get really worked up about something I can have a momentary laspse of judgement and say things in haste and anger. I had to walk away. SOOOOO- Long story short she FINALLY stops "punishing" my baby and I tried to very calmly and rationally tell her that I was sorry he made the mess, that I'd clean it up and that I did not want her to ever touch my cat again. He's a baby! Punshing him for wrong doings HOURS after the fact does absolutely NOTHING! She was just torturing him! Ugh. I could have slapped her. I offered to clean up the room and she said "No, its MY room." Hmm. K fine. She has yet to utter a syllable directed at me. At least I know I handled it in the most mature way possible.
PartIII
Somehow, in the hustle and bustle of my life I seem to have lost my song book. :( The book that contains all of the music that I have written. Well- I take that back. All of the songs I have completed. Everything else (works in progress, random lyrics, pretty chord structures, etc.) goes in a different binder. But this, this precious notebook that I treasure, is missing. My heart aches.
PartIV
This isn't really drama- I just really wanted to get to use the Roman Numeral IV :) The Hopkins Family and I, (Steve, Polly, Audrey, and Shelby) are venturing on a 7 hour road trip to Tuscon for Bompa's (Polly's dad) 90th birthday! This will certainly be a cozy ride AND a Valentine's Day to remember :)
Oh, my life. And yet, in the midst of all of this craziness, I still have a smile glued to my face.
DRAMA IN MY LIFE
Part I
I have been hoarding my credit card in my desk for the past month because I am going on a trip to San Fransisco and would like to have some space on there to buy things and enjoy my much deserved vacation. Also, I just need to catch up from Christmas because I don't know how to NOT buy nice things for my family. That being said- I went online today to make yet another payment and there are 3 mysterious transactions. One for $69.99, $89.95 and $75.60. If you want to know the definition for "flip the f*** out" there was a definite display of this phrase in all of its glory! I called my bank who tranferred me to Visa who said I needed to call my bank. Ah, yes, that vicious cycle of people in CUSTOMER SERVICE who don't actually want to help you. After about an hour of playing Phone-Ring-Around-The-Rosie I was able to speak with someone who solved my issue in about 2 minutes. Apparently I have to file a dispute for each tansaction and I went ahead and blocked my card which means I'll be getting a new one.... in 7-10 business days. DAH.
Part II
Mandi and my kitten, Harvey Dent, can be destructive at times. I am trying to handle it in a very constructive manner and it seems to be working. What can I say, he's in his terrible 2's stage! He has ceased all of he habits that I "busted" him for. However, at some point in the day yesterday he got into our roomates bedroom and knocked over a box of plants she has (cacti, funky looking foliage, etc.) I hadn't even noticed that her door was open until she came home and commented on it. Her room was a wreck. :/
So Mandi and I went back to what we were both in the middle of when all of a sudden we hear this terrible sound of a what seemed to be a VERY distressed kitten. So we run to where the noise is coming from. Oh, good. Its coming from Joelle's bathroom which she has locked. Mandi starts trying to figure out what is going on when we hear Joelle say "I'm punishing the cat." Wow, great. Yeah, it really sounds like he is learning his lesson- not. So I start getting all worked up and were both pleading with Joelle to stop. And yet, she continues. Mandi, who was very upset at this point, looks at me and says, "You're gonna have to handle this. I can't deal with her." And for those of you who know me, you know that when I get really worked up about something I can have a momentary laspse of judgement and say things in haste and anger. I had to walk away. SOOOOO- Long story short she FINALLY stops "punishing" my baby and I tried to very calmly and rationally tell her that I was sorry he made the mess, that I'd clean it up and that I did not want her to ever touch my cat again. He's a baby! Punshing him for wrong doings HOURS after the fact does absolutely NOTHING! She was just torturing him! Ugh. I could have slapped her. I offered to clean up the room and she said "No, its MY room." Hmm. K fine. She has yet to utter a syllable directed at me. At least I know I handled it in the most mature way possible.
PartIII
Somehow, in the hustle and bustle of my life I seem to have lost my song book. :( The book that contains all of the music that I have written. Well- I take that back. All of the songs I have completed. Everything else (works in progress, random lyrics, pretty chord structures, etc.) goes in a different binder. But this, this precious notebook that I treasure, is missing. My heart aches.
PartIV
This isn't really drama- I just really wanted to get to use the Roman Numeral IV :) The Hopkins Family and I, (Steve, Polly, Audrey, and Shelby) are venturing on a 7 hour road trip to Tuscon for Bompa's (Polly's dad) 90th birthday! This will certainly be a cozy ride AND a Valentine's Day to remember :)
Oh, my life. And yet, in the midst of all of this craziness, I still have a smile glued to my face.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Destination:Beautiful
The title to my very first blog on my brand new Blogger account(can I get a woop, woop??) seems fitting only so I can explain why I have deemed it proper for my ENTIRE blog to be named after. I won't lie- I sat here on my bed contemplating for what felt like many minutes what I should give my blog as an official title. Something that EVERYONE will read no matter how in depth they look into this thing I've created that will certainly become an outlet for random emotions, wonderful memories to be retained and yes, of course, heartfelt lyrics to songs that I will one day become famous for. (Ah, the confidence, it's wonderful, really :) )
Anyhow, I racked my brain and the two words that kept creeping into it are from a song that I have loved for many years. Its quite an emo song, that I actually don't identify much with beyond the wonderful music and a few random stanza's in the lyrics. The band is Mae and the song is Sun. If you already haven't jumped out of your seat and rushed to get their album all because I mentioned it then I suggest you do so in the very near future. I believe every single person will find something to connect to in their music. If it isn't the fantastic lyrics that move you it will most definitely be the incredible musicality behind each and every song. (Disclaimer: they are, at times, emo. But who isn't these days?) The combination of knock-your-socks-off vocals, rock piano, guitar, drums, and often times orchestra, sheesh- I get goosebumps just thinking about it. They are who I aspire to sound like. No joke. A mix of that minus the sometimes emo status lyrics and Coldplay and you get ME! Yay!
WOW, anyways, I am easily distracted... The point of the ever so carefully chosen title is that I believe that no matter where my God is taking me, no matter where He sends me- it is always going to be a BEAUTIFUL location. By beautiful I'm not saying that I happened to luck out to be God's #1 all time favorite child. No, the joke is not on all of you and I will not only be sent to live in places like Hawaii and Cozumel. No. It's the state of mind I have chosen to have about wherever He is taking me. Wherever I go- He is always with me. So how could it not be beautiful??
Example: I recently went to visit my soon to be new school in Kansas City, MO. The Forerunner Music Academy is FAR from glamorous. It is actually almost a 180 from what I had envisioned in my head for it to be. But it doesn't matter to me at all- I know that this is where God wants me to be. I know for a fact that this is where I need to spend the next 4 years of my life. It is beyond perfect for what I need to do with my life. For what God has placed a passion and a desire in my heart for, MUSIC. Talk about answer to my prayers!
So, if there is anything one must take from this increasingly long blog it is that I believe in my heart that my Father God has a perfect plan and a perfect will for my life and it is my duty to listen to His voice and follow it as closely as possible in order to always wind up in my Beautiful Destination. I may be a mess and completely ridiculous at times but He will always bring me back. I may not always hear Him loud and clear and may take a few, or hundreds of wrong turns but He will always take me back. So what if I whine and complain? I am an imperfect human and HE loves my unconditionally.
And so this love affair with blogger begins...
Destination: Beautiful
Anyhow, I racked my brain and the two words that kept creeping into it are from a song that I have loved for many years. Its quite an emo song, that I actually don't identify much with beyond the wonderful music and a few random stanza's in the lyrics. The band is Mae and the song is Sun. If you already haven't jumped out of your seat and rushed to get their album all because I mentioned it then I suggest you do so in the very near future. I believe every single person will find something to connect to in their music. If it isn't the fantastic lyrics that move you it will most definitely be the incredible musicality behind each and every song. (Disclaimer: they are, at times, emo. But who isn't these days?) The combination of knock-your-socks-off vocals, rock piano, guitar, drums, and often times orchestra, sheesh- I get goosebumps just thinking about it. They are who I aspire to sound like. No joke. A mix of that minus the sometimes emo status lyrics and Coldplay and you get ME! Yay!
WOW, anyways, I am easily distracted... The point of the ever so carefully chosen title is that I believe that no matter where my God is taking me, no matter where He sends me- it is always going to be a BEAUTIFUL location. By beautiful I'm not saying that I happened to luck out to be God's #1 all time favorite child. No, the joke is not on all of you and I will not only be sent to live in places like Hawaii and Cozumel. No. It's the state of mind I have chosen to have about wherever He is taking me. Wherever I go- He is always with me. So how could it not be beautiful??
Example: I recently went to visit my soon to be new school in Kansas City, MO. The Forerunner Music Academy is FAR from glamorous. It is actually almost a 180 from what I had envisioned in my head for it to be. But it doesn't matter to me at all- I know that this is where God wants me to be. I know for a fact that this is where I need to spend the next 4 years of my life. It is beyond perfect for what I need to do with my life. For what God has placed a passion and a desire in my heart for, MUSIC. Talk about answer to my prayers!
So, if there is anything one must take from this increasingly long blog it is that I believe in my heart that my Father God has a perfect plan and a perfect will for my life and it is my duty to listen to His voice and follow it as closely as possible in order to always wind up in my Beautiful Destination. I may be a mess and completely ridiculous at times but He will always bring me back. I may not always hear Him loud and clear and may take a few, or hundreds of wrong turns but He will always take me back. So what if I whine and complain? I am an imperfect human and HE loves my unconditionally.
And so this love affair with blogger begins...
Destination: Beautiful
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