This life. My world. Reality. Who doesn't love a play by play of the monotonous?
Just going about my day, looking after kids, trying to keep my head screwed between my two shoulders and I casually walk into the kitchen to get my lukewarm cup of coffee. Walking past the dining room I think;
"I need to take these chairs back into the living room."
Pick up one of the two that need moving, carry it into living room. Tiedeously place it in its correct spot, and turn to head to get the other chair;
"Oh, woops, didn't realize the kids got the blocks out this morning, I better pick those up."
Bend down, pick up 1,000 blocks* and notice under the edge of the couch are a pair of shoes.
"That's right! I wanted to get all the shoes picked up today! I think there are some by the front door as well."
Pick up shoes, and some trash left on the couch, grab other shoes by door and head upstairs. Put shoes in respective closets and toss trash in bathroom bin.
"Ugh. That's looking full. I'll take it out before it starts overflowing."
Pull out bag, tie it shut, realize there are no more empty bags stuffed in the bottom of the bin. Head downstairs with bag of trash and mental note to replace the bags ASAP. Detour to second bathroom to check on trash status.
"Just as I suspected, also needs emptying."
Pick up bag and start tying it shut, when I hear from the yard-
"MOOOOOOM!!!! AGHHHHH!!! $@!/&@%#+?!!!"
"Hmm. That can't be good. Better go outside."
Set down both bags of trash and head outside.
One kid has the other pinned to the ground with bike, and shows no remorse. Awesome.
Split second decision to NOT flip out and instead, calmly approach and find out what happened. Turns out it was a collision and not at all on purpose. Phew. That was a close one.
"Okay you guys, let's be careful around each other! It hurts when we wreck into each other! Are you okay? Do you want to go inside for a little while?"
No way, lady.
"Alright, back inside.. Now what was I doing? Uhm.. Dishes? Was I sweeping? No... Vacuuming? No.. Laundry? Must have been that."
Walk to the laundry room, pull out finished load, fill up washer with new load-
"Hang on a sec.. There are some towels upstairs I wanted to add to this! Better run up and grab them so I can start this load."
Start heading upstairs-
"Nope. Kris. Go back. If you don't hang the clothes out now you'll forget and then they'll get smelly and gross.. You can get the towels later."
Grab basket of clean wet clothes and walk to clothesline. Admire kids playing nicely together in sandbox..
"Oh crap, they saw me.. Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye conta... Hi baby!! Did you want to come help momma hang the clothes? What a sweetheart! You two, bubba?? Wow! Thank you so much!"
Get clothes up on line as quickly as possible... Then spend a few minutes picking up "clean" wet clothes from the grass and surrounding area.. Hang these up to dry.
"Thank you for helping guys, please try to remember to hand the clothes to mama instead of putting them on the ground! That would be even MORE helpful! Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"
Always.
"Let's go inside!"
Make snacks, dump cold cup of coffee and clean up snack making mess. Try to keep one kid from seeing the other got an extra slice of apple...
"Alright, now what was I doing??... Well. Can't remember but I should definitely vacuum today. So I'll get that out of the way."
Walk into laundry room to get vacuum out of closet, see open washer..
"GO GET THE TOWELS, KRISTIN."
Yes, that's right. Vacuuming can wait.
Walk towards stairs, see trash bags from earlier, and geniusly place in front of stairs so I can't forget on my way back down.. Get to bedroom and pause..
"Wait.. What was I doing?"
Long pause.
No clue.
Pick up clothes, tidy dresser, make bed. Sit down on edge of bed to send a text message to the hubby.. Get lost on Instagram and/or Facebook... Remember to text hubby and decide it's been too long since hearing the kids outside.
Walk downstairs, grab trash bags, walk to back porch to put in garbage bins.
Notice yard is eerily quiet.
Check out the front of the house, no kids. Check by garage, no kids. Check by sandbox and see neighbor handing kids back through fence...
"I had some visitors today!" "OH. MY. GAWD. Shirley, thank you so much! How did they get over there?! We have GOT to fix that fence! You guys! You can't leave the yard. EVER!!"
Give talk to older toddler explaining why it is ALWAYS important to stay in the yard. ALWAYS! For the love of God, kid. ALWAYS.
Promise self I'm not a terrible mother. Make new rule that kids are not allowed outside without me... Until the fence is fixed, that is. Haul kids inside, thank God they're okay, make mental note to bake neighbor some cupcakes and lock all the doors.
"Wanna help me vacuum, you two!!?"
No way, lady.
"Well, then I'm gonna need you to help pick up the toys so they don't get sucked up, okay?"
Uh-huh. Noooow they wanna help vacuum.
Chase kids to make mowhawks, get downstairs vacuumed, notice second chair still in dining room.. Make mental note to take it to the living room.
"Hey you two, be sweet! That's enough fighting. Cut it out!"
Hear beeping from washing machine..
"When on earth did I start that load?! DANGIT! I forgot to add the towels."
Take vacuum to utility closet, get load out of washer, try to open door..
"What the!!?"
Try again.
"Oh yeeeeeah. I locked it to keep the kids from escaping.....
Kids, do you want to come outside while I put up some laundry!??"
Stampede to the backyard. Random whines and cries..
Repeat earlier laundry process.
Debate staying outside to let kids play for a while... Nope. Housework needs to be done and they can play inside.
"Alright, you two! Time to head back inside! Let's go make lunch!!"
Always a good idea to bribe with food.
Stampede.
Make lunch, clean lunch mess, start dishwasher. Attempt to put toaster away, miss the cabinet and drop toaster on counter spilling 1,000,000* crumbs. Clean up crumbs. Take little one up for nap. Notice the copious amount of toys in both bedrooms..
"WHEN did they even have time to do this?! Cleaning this up has to wait until after naptime. I need a break."
"Okay, sleep tight sweetie. Love you!"
Remember empty bathroom trash bins and head down to get replacement bags. Walk into dining room to find big kid has emptied every book out of the book spot.
"Oh wow, bud! What are you doing? Do you want mama to come read some books with you?"
Always.
"Okay, pick out a couple to read and put away the rest, please! I'm gonna make some coffee so I can relax with you!"
Yes, mama.
Boil jug and fill coffee cup while staring at phone.
"DAD!!!!"
Nic must be home for lunch!
"Hi babe!"
Set coffee down. Kiss hello.
"What can I make for you? How is your day going?" Random conversations ensue while making hubby's lunch.
Kiss goodbye, back to work. Clean up lunch mess.
"Okay, what was I doing?.... Book! Coffee!... But where's the big one?!"
"Huuuuudson??!l"
Wander around looking for big kid. Open door. Ugh. He got out when Nic left.
"Look, Mom!! The chickens gave us eggs!!"
"That's so great, honey! Did you remember to close the door on the coop??"
Cluck, cluck, cluckitty cluck.
That would be a no.
"Okay, bud, take the eggs to the kitchen, please, and then come help get the chickens back in!"
Cornering, trail of scraps, done.
Back to the books, see the chair that needs put back in living room... Make mental note. Scratch the mental note. Do it now.
"Alright, bud. Mom needs to move this chair before I forget again. I'll be right back!"
Carry chair to living room, turn to head back to book reading/coffee drinking spot...
"Oh my. The blocks. Again. Huuudson, honey? I need you to come here, please."
Attempt to get help from toddler picking up 1,000* blocks. Attempt proves futile. Build castles instead. Remember wanting to make cupcakes for neighbor.
"Okay, Hud. Help me clean up so we can go make cupcakes!!"
Always a good idea to bribe with baking.
Make cupcakes, clean up cupcake making mess. Find forgotten cup of now cold coffee. Dump down the sink. Cry a little inside.
"How is it only 1pm?"
*slight exaggeration.
