The day we board a plane with nothing but our suitcases to claim as our own.
Tomorrow is the day we have been waiting for, preparing for and stressing over.
The day I walk away from 4th of July celebrations and Thanksgiving to adapt to a new culture, with new holidays.
Tomorrow is the day a new chapter begins.
Kinda poetic, isn't it? I like to think so.
I'm genuinely struggling to find words for this current state of our lives. It's a bit bizzare, absurd almost. There has been a whirlwind of decisions, planning, travel and packing (and repacking, and repacking, and repacking etc) since March 24 and there are no clear indications of when the whirlwind will slow.
In the same swift manner we got the job that took us to New York we lost it. Out of nowhere, with no warning and no severance to speak of. It came as quite a shock but there definitely was some peace that came alongside it. We have always known we were not meant to live in New York forever and we never quite knew how we'd transition away from the job and home. And as always, God had a plan all along.
It didn't take long for the moving talk to begin. With the cost of living being so high in NYC we knew we couldn't last more than a couple months on what we had saved up. And the likelihood of Nic or I finding a lucrative job quickly enough seemed pretty low. So, where to go?
We talked about Cali, we talked about Texas, we talked about KC, we even talked about New Mexico or Colorado. None seemed to be promising on the job front. So we started discussing New Zealand. With Nic's family and friend connections we knew a job couldn't be too difficult to come by, not to mention the fact that Nic has been talking about moving home since I've met him. It just made sense. We immediately started making phone calls, asking questions and sorting out plans. We were gonna do it.
Little did I know, it would involve some of the toughest things I think I am yet to endure... selling EVERYTHING and saying goodbye to some of the best friends I've ever had, and leaving my children's first best friends. My heart has been heavy for so many weeks. I can't even express the grief that came from leaving our little corner of East Harlem, our shoebox in Manhattan. It was my little tiny world. My safe place. It kept us safe from Sandy, housed two wonderful (and HUGE!) Thanksgiving meals and a gender reveal party, welcomed our second beautiful baby, rested our weary bones after hours of walking the busy streets, housed guests and friends and late night coffee and tea dates, early morning play dates, brunches and brinners and family dinners. It had the perfect floor space for dancing to Frank Sinatra in the kicthen, Hudson's first steps in the living room and Charlotte's first crawls throughout the home. The couch served as a prime spot for movie nights, sick day cartoons, snuggles and cuddles- the perfect height to teach Hudson to race his HotWheels and Charlotte to cruise. Our bedroom was my safe haven with a big cozy bed that fit all 4 of us with ease. And the comically teeny excuse of a second bedroom is where Hudson learned to sleep in a big boy bed, share his toys with his sister and friends, read countless books and spent many nights staring at the Dino Glow lights on his ceiling. There my heart remains.
I've left a little piece of my heart in all of our homes. That's honestly one of the most beautiful (albeit painful) parts about moving around. With every home we settle down in and make our own, we grow roots. Wether we intend to or not. And when we leave that place, just like an uprooted tree, we can't help but leave a little bit of ourselves behind.
I find peace and comfort knowing that bits and pieces of my family are spread out all over Manhattan. From strangers who purchased our things at a stoop sale, to friends we gave things to and families who will find our things in second hand stores. Precious books, furniture, kitchen items, wedding gifts, toys, meaningful things with special stories.. All belonging to someone else now.
And so, we move on. We've spent the better part of the last month traveling around to spend time with family and friends before we embark on this journey half way around the world. Nic thought it just wouldn't be right to take me from my home without giving me a chance to get some good hugs in. I am so so thankful. My phone is now bursting at the seams with photos and my heart is full of love.
To everyone who took time out of their busy schedules, made time for my little family, and made it a priority to see us: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much it means to me. I feel so blessed to have such incredible family and friends in my life.
And even to those who were unable to: I love you, and I can't wait for the time that we will be able to spend together in the future.
It's tomorrow.
And I think I'm ready.
"My presence will go with you and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14
