Well actually let me rephrase that, I hate sitting around when it's not my choice.
I don't mind it at all when I am the one who makes my way to the couch and throws on a dvd. It is a favorite past time of mine, really. Relaxing and "chilling." But I usually can't do that sort of thing until my house is in order and all tasks are completed.... What kind of self-respecting house wife could just sit down when there is a load of laundry to start? Or a counter top to be wiped? Or base boards that haven't been dusted in a while? Haha.. Pathetic. But at least you know I take my job as "homemaker" very seriously :)
Anyways, my heart has been stirred as of late. In fact, it is even breaking for the closeness of the Lord. I have gone through seasons in my life where I could always hear the voice of the Lord in my ear. It was as simple as slowing down and listening, and asking, what would you have for me, Father? It has been a while since I have been able to do that. I don't know if it's because I've allowed my life to become too busy or if I am just in a season of waiting on Him or what. I have been yearning for the closeness of my Jesus.
I've been trying to remind myself to pray more... not just as I am falling asleep or when I think of something or someone I have an urge to intercede for. I want to be in constant communion with Him. I know that is a tall order- and while many of our leaders of the church these days make that seem like its easy, I will not deny my struggle. Life so easily gets in the way. It's undeniably easier to sleep in on a Sunday than it is to get up and go to church. It's easier to stay home and watch TV than it is to pack up and head to the prayer room, or even to just shut it off and spend some quiet time in the Word. I am sure all of these worship leaders we look up to, pastors we long to be like, leaders that often get idolized all have the same struggles we do. I think it is something so easy to do-- put leaders on a pedestal, think of them as untouchable. But they are every bit as human as we are.
When I was in school at IHOPU I had the joy of having one of my favorite worship leaders as a voice coach. And one of the most eye opening experiences I have had as of yet is a day she came to class, clearly upset and out of sorts, and sheepishly asked us all to pray with her and for her. She was feeling inadequate as a musician, was doubting her abilities and was not feeling like she was missing out on her calling. Clearly an attack on her confidence. I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing, here she was, a woman I greatly admired and wanted to be like and she was dealing with the same kind of crap that I do! I realized that we are all the same. We are all just trying to find our place in the world, trying to hear the Lord's voice, trying to follow His divine direction in our lives and all having moments of insecurity. To this day I still highly admire this woman and long to be a skilled musician like her. That moment of "normalcy" did anything but change my views of her. If nothing else, I know I respect her so much more now.
I know I have a lifelong walk ahead of me. A journey with moments of feeling closer to the Lord than I ever have, moments of longing for divine intervention, and moments of yearning for more closeness. This is merely another stepping stone towards my calling in life.
As I have said many times in previous posts, Nic and I are at a crossroads. We are both feeling restless in Kansas City and are both feeling that our time here is drawing to an end. How true that is, we are still unsure. We know it is time we take some sort of step of faith.. be that moving, starting a company, chasing a lifelong dream, or just choosing to be content in the waiting.. we don't know. But we are praying, we are fasting, we are interceding. Longing for some direction. Join us, won't you? Pray for our little family as we are facing some of our first potentially life-altering decisions. We just want what He wants. We want to be used for the Kingdom of Heaven in a mighty way.
I'm on day 10 of reading through my Bible this year. Yes, there is an "app" for that. And I am dutifully using it. I try to get it done while I'm feeding my dear boy, but it usually happens while I am in bed at night. I can't tell you how many times I have started on one of these kicks, trying to read through my Bible in some amount of time. I am ashamed to say, I have always failed. I always seem to make it through the New Testament pretty well, with no problems, but it's those lengthy Old Testament books full of genealogies that get me. I find myself glazing over and not really reading any of it until I see something that is interesting. I, of course, constantly remind myself that I cannot be the only person who does that. Anyways, I am trying very hard to make my way through the Bible in it's entirety this year. From front to back... or well, technically, from first finger swipe to last ;) I can do this.
I believe that should be all for now. Thank you, as always, and God Bless!
No comments:
Post a Comment