Secret Life of Mum's

Chapter One: &$@!ing Morningtime 

Without fail the early morning pitter patter of feet coming into your bedroom is met with sheer denial. It doesn't matter if it comes in the form of a cheery toddler or a grumpy kid, the response remains the same... 

*thud thud thud*

No, no, no, no, no, no, nope..

*shuffle shuffle shuffle*

Maybe if I don't move they'll go away...

"Moooomm.... Daaaad...."

 I'm not here. Just. Keep. Still...

*loud whisper* "Mom. Mooooom. Daddy!!" 

"Shhhhh, it's too early. Go back to bed, buddy."

Wait, what time is it? Oh. Okay. Sigh. 

"Hey buddy! Good morning. Hi! How was your sleep? Did you have good dreams? How are you feeling?? Let's go downstairs, shhhhhh."

Some days the conversation goes a little differently or the radio silence can last a bit longer but.. You get the idea.

Every. Single. Morning. 

Chapter Two: Breakfast

For centuries mums have been known to hide out, either on the kitchen floor or in the pantry (laundry room, broom closet, etc.) and eat their breakfast. *

Not because they crave a domestic aesthetic more pleasing than the sight of small children smearing oatmeal on a table, but because sometimes they just don't feel like sharing. Also, it can be a bit cumbersome- making breakfast for kids that are sure to reject it the second you sit down to eat your own. Even if it's the same thing. 

*Please note that the hiding out is not strictly associated with breakfast time. Hiding out can be practiced throughout the day whenever a mother sees fit. 

Chapter 3: The Chores

Ever wonder why it takes so long for laundry to get folded and put away? I can tell you.

Because it requires two hands, coffee-powered motivation, nap-less bedrooms, the stars to align, a dash of black magic and a big flashing DO NOT DISTURB sign. 

Admittedly, that's a bit of an exaggeration but, the first few needs are true- if the task requires two hands it likely isn't getting done until midnight.* Except for putting away the laundry, of course, because that requires bedrooms to be free of sleeping children. 

So.

Good luck with that one, mom. 

Make a pb&j? Simple.

(Carefully) slice an apple or carrot sticks? Done.

Load the dishwasher or start a laundry cycle? Easy. 

Wipe down a countertop or spot sweep a kitchen? I can almost do that with my eyes closed. 

These chores are all easy because they only require the use of one hand, and since I'm always holding, rocking, bouncing or consoling a little one with my other, it's easy to get swamped by those two handed tasks. 

*This also answers the age-old queries: 

Why do the dishes pile up in the sink? Why doesn't the house get mopped? Why are there toys stuck all the way under the couch? 

Why are there cobwebs in every corner?

Why does she always look like she's about to fall asleep?

Say it with me now- if the task requires two hands it isn't getting done until midnight. 

Chapter Four: The Lies

Are you aware of the fact that probably a third of what your parents told you is untrue? Not because they outright wanted to deceive you but because sometimes it's fun to let little imaginations run wild--- and also, sometimes the truth is a little too much for tiny minds to deal with--And, even sometimes, it can be easier than dealing with the temperamental backlash of a toddler. 

Elf on a Shelf, Santa, Tooth Fairy, growing donuts out of Cheerios, replacing goldfish after they've died, sending beloved pets to a "farm"...

"All the gummy bears are gone, buddy!" 

"The steam coming out over there? That's the cloud factory!!" 

"This juice that I'm drinking? This is yucky. You won't like it."

"Maybe we will go to the park later!!"

"The paci fairy is coming to take your paci to the little babies that need them.."

"Mommy and daddy were just wrestling, honey!!"

See what I mean? The lies never end.

Chapter Five: The Husbands

Who signed up to walk with you through the thick and thin (including waist lines)?

Who's cheesy jokes are enough to bring a smile to your face? 

Who's very presence in a room can change the entire atmosphere of your home??

Yes, indeed, the man of your dreams, your very best friend, the one who did this to you.. However you look at it, he's your number one ally in the parenting world. The best person to navigate the back to back colds with, the diaper explosions while out grocery shopping, and the never ending questions from your budding preschooler. 

Stressful day? Give him a call.

Terrorist toddler strikes again? Nice long hug can cure all.

Anxiety wrecking your ability to even move? Lean in, take a deep breath and let him take the reigns. 

He's got you. 

Chapter Six: The Help

Where would mommies be without extra help from time to time? 

You can never understand the true value of helpful aunties, or friends who don't mind a couple extra kids for an afternoon, until you're a bit downtrodden, frazzled and in desperate need of a moment to run errands or clean without things immediately being destroyed or just sit and breathe.

Into your home they trot, fresh faced, polished and is that a little hope you can see in their eyes?? Not even a hint of fear or trepidation? They want to help you. 

And for the love of God, woman, take it.

We may never be able to fully verbalize the depth of our gratitude for people willing to step in and hold a little one for a while, or do the dishes, or take the big kids to the pool...  But believe me, it's DEEP. And heartfelt. And so very desperately needed. 

Chapter Seven: The Plans

There's an old saying, "Man plans and God laughs." But I think it really should be changed to, "Mothers plan and children do everything in their power to destroy them."

Suden illness, battle royale between siblings, lost shoes, diaper explosions, sudden need for food RIGHT NOW, broken zippers, meltdown over getting hair combed, peed in pants, stomping in muddy puddles, crying because of the lost shoes, "Oh look! All the toys in my room ended up on the floor!," dying of thirst, slow motion everything, someone got into mommy's makeup, someone found the sticker stash, someone fell asleep while waiting for everyone else to get ready, someone is behaving like a completely normal small child....

Just a few examples. Not that any of them have ever happened to me, cause I'm never late. My plans ALWAYS work out 100%. 

Jk.

Chapter Eight: The Crying

There's lots of it. 

And I'm not talking about the kids.

I'm talking about the ugly, snotty, balled up on the floor weeping that comes after a hellish morning of bad tempers and there's no peace in sight. I'm talking 5 months post partum and you're working your butt off to slim down but your clothes still don't fit and you aren't comfortable in your own skin tears. Or the house is a wreck, kids are hell-bent on destruction, dinner is burnt, husband will be home any minute and all you wanted was to have a clean home and nice meal for him to come home to crying. And need I remind you of the late night, so very tired, and so very overwhelmed by every little thing, but trying to not wake your husband tears. 

I see you, Mama. You're not alone. This mom life can be tough. It's exhausting. It's hard work that sometimes feels will never pay off. It's laundry, and dishes, and tempers, and chaos. It is all-consumingly, devastatingly wonderful.

Chapter Nine: The Happy Stuff

Here is where I want to end. 

The days are long but the years are so very short. Our babies turn into toddlers who turn into preschoolers... And let's face it, that's as far as I've gotten. 

But in the midst of all of the craziness are dozens, thousands really, of beautiful moments and memories to be had. 

Giggles in the blanket fort, ecstatic grins from being hoisted into air like a rocket, days spent entirely in jammies, baking messes from helping hands, swinging in the hammock together, nice long walks when springtime is making its entrance, breathing in sweet baby cuddles, freshly bathed toddlers without the slightest hint of grubby fingers or faces.. The list is endless.

And I think the ultimate secret of motherhood is to focus on these wonderful things, right? 

To let go of the frustrations that come with raising children and dig your heels in deep for the moments that matter. To not listen to the voices that tell you this is too much, or that you can't do it and just smile. To remember the monotonous moments as just little stepping stones to the sweet ones that really matter. To not take everything so seriously, let go of the need to control everything and just let kids be kids sometimes. Let love and joy dictate your day. Breathe them in while they're just a breath away. 

Oh, and hey, guess what... I suck at this. I get it downright backwards sometimes but I'm trying. And that's all anyone can really ask of me. 

And there you have it, all the secrets have been spilled. The lid has been blown right off. Can of beans- all over the floor.

No really, there's a can of beans on the floor that I need to clean up. Catch ya later. 

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Jumble.

So many things to say, so little time to sit down and put them eloquently.

{WE HAD A GIRL. }

Aubrey Mae is her name, petite and pudgy is her game.  

We are absolutely in love with this little bundle and are soaking up as much of these early newborn moments as possible. I hesitate to say, only because of our track record with surprise pregnancies, she's perfectly completed our family. This sweet girl is the calm to Hudson and Charlotte's chaos. The happy glue that holds us all together. And she's nearly 3 months old. Which means taking care of 3 very little kids leaves me with very little time to sit down and write anything. Once again I am a puddle of sentiment and sadness; clouded by fresh bathed fuzzy head smooches and frantic cleaning between long nursing sessions; overwhelmed with delightful snuggles and dark-eyed drowsiness. We are so thankful to the Lord for her little life. She truly is our miracle! (More on that when I have more time. Seriously awesome testimony.) 

{We've lived in NZ for over a YEAR.}

How did this even happen? Where did the time go? How many rhetorical questions can I pose before moving on?! I know so much has already happened but it still seems impossible for it to have already been a year. I love it here, and it does feel like home to me, even though the reality of just how far I am officially sank in around Christmastime. And randomly sneaks in on me when I'm feeling a little down. I saw a picture of the Pacific Ocean and its HUGE presence on this side of the world, and I finally understood why it costs so much to fly here. You practically have to cover 1/3 of the Earth's surface area to get here! I miss my family terribly, and so desperately wish we were all closer but it will make the times I do get to see them all that much sweeter. We thankfully have two of Nic's sisters here, which really helps me to feel a bit more at ease about having the kids so far from all their Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents.  At least they have a couple Aunties nearby to love on them! And I have a couple of sisters to talk to and do fun things with, which in and of itself is ridiculously awesome, ya know- since I didn't have any "real" sisters up until about 5 years ago. Of course, we still have our wonderful abundance of Great Aunties and Uncles, Nana and cousins here, but it's extra special to have siblings nearby. You get what I mean. 

We still live in our awesome house with the big yard, although now that it's winter we've had to keep to the only warm room (don't get me started on the hilarity of NZ's lack of warm homes) and that's starting to drive me a bit mad. Keeping three kids indoors, in one room, is pure insanity. But it's the only real option this time of year. And that's okay for now.. So long as I remember to breathe deeply and take up afternoon drinking... I kid. 

About the deep breathing part. 

I often think of really poignant topics I'd like to write about. Or a fairly current event I'd like to voice an opinion on. But then life gets in the way and before I know it, the current event is old news, and I'm left writing about the only thing my brain can even focus on, motherhood. 

I've come to the realization that I'm just in a phase of life where most of my great ideas fail to begin, chores go unfinished, and my deep thoughts are better left to pillow talk. And that's okay for now. Again, so long as I remember to breathe deeply... And take up afternoon drinking. 

Okay, now I kid. I'll save the wine for when Nic comes home and can enjoy some with me. 

Until next time.

(I wouldn't hold your breath.)

{glimpse}

This life. My world. Reality. Who doesn't love a play by play of the monotonous?

Just going about my day, looking after kids, trying to keep my head screwed between my two shoulders and I casually walk into the kitchen to get my lukewarm cup of coffee. Walking past the dining room I think;

"I need to take these chairs back into the living room." 

Pick up one of the two that need moving, carry it into living room. Tiedeously place it in its correct spot, and turn to head to get the other chair; 

"Oh, woops, didn't realize the kids got the blocks out this morning, I better pick those up." 

Bend down, pick up 1,000 blocks* and notice under the edge of the couch are a pair of shoes. 

"That's right! I wanted to get all the shoes picked up today! I think there are some by the front door as well."

Pick up shoes, and some trash left on the couch, grab other shoes by door and head upstairs. Put shoes in respective closets and toss trash in bathroom bin.

"Ugh. That's looking full. I'll take it out before it starts overflowing." 

Pull out bag, tie it shut, realize there are no more empty bags stuffed in the bottom of the bin. Head downstairs with bag of trash and mental note to replace the bags ASAP. Detour to second bathroom to check on trash status. 

"Just as I suspected, also needs emptying." 

Pick up bag and start tying it shut, when I hear from the yard- 

"MOOOOOOM!!!! AGHHHHH!!! $@!/&@%#+?!!!" 

"Hmm. That can't be good. Better go outside."

Set down both bags of trash and head outside. 

One kid has the other pinned to the ground with bike, and shows no remorse. Awesome.  

Split second decision to NOT flip out and instead, calmly approach and find out what happened. Turns out it was a collision and not at all on purpose. Phew. That was a close one. 

"Okay you guys, let's be careful around each other! It hurts when we wreck into each other! Are you okay? Do you want to go inside for a little while?"

No way, lady. 

"Alright, back inside.. Now what was I doing? Uhm.. Dishes? Was I sweeping? No... Vacuuming? No.. Laundry? Must have been that."

Walk to the laundry room, pull out finished load, fill up washer with new load-

"Hang on a sec.. There are some towels upstairs I wanted to add to this! Better run up and grab them so I can start this load." 

Start heading upstairs- 

"Nope. Kris. Go back. If you don't hang the clothes out now you'll forget and then they'll get smelly and gross.. You can get the towels later." 

Grab basket of clean wet clothes and walk to clothesline. Admire kids playing nicely together in sandbox.. 

"Oh crap, they saw me.. Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye conta... Hi baby!! Did you want to come help momma hang the clothes? What a sweetheart! You two, bubba?? Wow! Thank you so much!" 

Get clothes up on line as quickly as possible... Then spend a few minutes picking up "clean" wet clothes from the grass and surrounding area.. Hang these up to dry. 

"Thank you for helping guys, please try to remember to hand the clothes to mama instead of putting them on the ground! That would be even MORE helpful! Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?" 

Always. 

"Let's go inside!" 

Make snacks, dump cold cup of coffee and clean up snack making mess. Try to keep one kid from seeing the other got an extra slice of apple...

"Alright, now what was I doing??... Well. Can't remember but I should definitely vacuum today. So I'll get that out of the way." 

Walk into laundry room to get vacuum out of closet, see open washer.. 

"GO GET THE TOWELS, KRISTIN." 

Yes, that's right. Vacuuming can wait. 

Walk towards stairs, see trash bags from earlier, and geniusly place in front of stairs so I can't forget on my way back down.. Get to bedroom and pause..

"Wait.. What was I doing?"

Long pause.

No clue.

Pick up clothes, tidy dresser, make bed. Sit down on edge of bed to send a text message to the hubby.. Get lost on Instagram and/or Facebook... Remember to text hubby and decide it's been too long since hearing the kids outside. 

Walk downstairs, grab trash bags, walk to back porch to put in garbage bins. 

Notice yard is eerily quiet. 

Check out the front of the house, no kids. Check by garage, no kids. Check by sandbox and see neighbor handing kids back through fence... 

"I had some visitors today!" "OH. MY. GAWD. Shirley, thank you so much! How did they get over there?! We have GOT to fix that fence! You guys! You can't leave the yard. EVER!!" 

Give talk to older toddler explaining why it is ALWAYS important to stay in the yard. ALWAYS! For the love of God, kid. ALWAYS. 

Promise self I'm not a terrible mother. Make new rule that kids are not allowed outside without me... Until the fence is fixed, that is. Haul kids inside, thank God they're okay, make mental note to bake neighbor some cupcakes and lock all the doors. 

"Wanna help me vacuum, you two!!?" 

No way, lady. 

"Well, then I'm gonna need you to help pick up the toys so they don't get sucked up, okay?" 

Uh-huh. Noooow they wanna help vacuum.

Chase kids to make mowhawks, get downstairs vacuumed, notice second chair still in dining room.. Make mental note to take it to the living room. 

"Hey you two, be sweet! That's enough fighting. Cut it out!" 

Hear beeping from washing machine.. 

"When on earth did I start that load?! DANGIT! I forgot to add the towels." 

Take vacuum to utility closet, get load out of washer, try to open door.. 

"What the!!?" 

Try again. 

"Oh yeeeeeah. I locked it to keep the kids from escaping.....

Kids, do you want to come outside while I put up some laundry!??" 

Stampede to the backyard. Random whines and cries..

Repeat earlier laundry process.

Debate staying outside to let kids play for a while... Nope. Housework needs to be done and they can play inside.

"Alright, you two! Time to head back inside! Let's go make lunch!!"

Always a good idea to bribe with food. 

Stampede.

Make lunch, clean lunch mess, start dishwasher. Attempt to put toaster away, miss the cabinet and drop toaster on counter spilling 1,000,000* crumbs. Clean up crumbs. Take little one up for nap. Notice the copious amount of toys in both bedrooms.. 

"WHEN did they even have time to do this?! Cleaning this up has to wait until after naptime. I need a break." 

"Okay, sleep tight sweetie. Love you!"

Remember empty bathroom trash bins and head down to get replacement bags.  Walk into dining room to find big kid has emptied every book out of the book spot. 

"Oh wow, bud! What are you doing? Do you want mama to come read some books with you?" 

Always.

"Okay, pick out a couple to read and put away the rest, please! I'm gonna make some coffee so I can relax with you!" 

Yes, mama. 

Boil jug and fill coffee cup while staring at phone. 

"DAD!!!!"

Nic must be home for lunch!

"Hi babe!"

Set coffee down. Kiss hello. 

"What can I make for you? How is your day going?" Random conversations ensue while making hubby's lunch. 

Kiss goodbye, back to work. Clean up lunch mess.

"Okay, what was I doing?.... Book! Coffee!... But where's the big one?!"

"Huuuuudson??!l" 

Wander around looking for big kid. Open door. Ugh. He got out when Nic left.

"Look, Mom!! The chickens gave us eggs!!" 

"That's so great, honey! Did you remember to close the door on the coop??"

Cluck, cluck, cluckitty cluck. 

That would be a no. 

"Okay, bud, take the eggs to the kitchen, please, and then come help get the chickens back in!" 

Cornering, trail of scraps, done. 

 

Back to the books, see the chair that needs put back in living room... Make mental note. Scratch the mental note. Do it now.

"Alright, bud. Mom needs to move this chair before I forget again. I'll be right back!"

Carry chair to living room, turn to head back to book reading/coffee drinking spot... 

"Oh my. The blocks. Again. Huuudson, honey? I need you to come here, please." 

Attempt to get help from toddler picking up 1,000* blocks. Attempt proves futile. Build castles instead. Remember wanting to make cupcakes for neighbor.

"Okay, Hud. Help me clean up so we can go make cupcakes!!" 

Always a good idea to bribe with baking. 

Make cupcakes, clean up cupcake making mess. Find forgotten cup of now cold coffee. Dump down the sink. Cry a little inside. 

"How is it only 1pm?"

Such good helpers, all the time :)

*slight exaggeration. 

Dear New York,

I hope you're doing well. 

It's been a while since we left you, but we certainly haven't forgotten you. You're still very much in my heart. I think of you often and smile, the occasional tear creeps up when I'm feeling sentimental but I'm okay. We left in a bit of a rush, and I'm sure that's a big reason why I just can't seem to get over you. Our time together was cut short, but regardless of that, I'm so thankful that we got to wander and explore while we did. 

We moved to a much smaller quieter town, on the other side of the world really, and she couldn't be more different than you. She's quaint, and sleepy, and friendly. Calm, and slow, and covered in overgrown greenery. Despite the massive change, I'm surprised to find my day-to-day life hasn't changed very much at all! We still hear sirens for late night fires, and see the occasional police arrest. We walk to parks, to go shopping, and sometimes just to get out of the house. We still fill our days with busy toddler projects and games. We still watch cartoons on sleepy mornings and bake yummy treats in the kitchen. The overall scenery has just changed. No high-rises, underground subway rumbles, or relentless cab honking. No verbal abuse from passing strangers, dog poos to avoid on the sidewalks, or pompous rich people snubbing our humble background. No brownstones, stoop sitting or late night catch ups with mom friends in the stairwells... 

We loved living in your city, New York. You have so much to offer, and I can only hope we were able to give, even just a little bit, back. Somehow, while living with you for two years, we missed out on some of your charms and historical characters, dozens of places we didn't make it to but wanted to. We did SO much, and saw so much of you, but still didn't manage to do it all. Which, of course, is why I'm glad you're still there, waiting for us to return. 

I miss you, so very much, but I think my time for grieving is needing to come to an end. It's time to move on, my dear New York. I can't stay sad over you any longer. 

I can't wait to see you again, to return to your gorgeous skyline, become another dot in the otherwise endless sea of faces,  and soak in the electric vibe you ceaselessly expell. It will be an amazing day, when I get to return to you, but until then- I've got to live my life. You can move on, too, welcome new families and visitors alike. Let others leave their small, but important mark on your map. I'll be excitedly awaiting my return to you... And until then,

Stay lovely, New York. I'll love you forever.

This Christmas.

Christmas is approaching quickly and I'm glad to say that, although I'm slacking on the present purchasing, we DID get our tree up.. Our first real tree since we've been married, y'all. Now that's something I can get excited about.   

Out first Christmas was only a few weeks after our wedding and a few days after arriving home from our honeymoon. It was a lovely and quiet one with friends in KC, gathered around my childhood mini Christmas Tree feasting on my very first attempt at making crépes. I think we even did a little secret Santa exchange with a $10 limit. 

The next year was spent in California with Nic's family, and we decided against decorating our apartment too heavily since we'd be gone for 3 weeks! We all got a stomach bug (Nic's parents and sibling included), which made it a little bit miserable of a trip, but we still managed to get out and do some dirt-biking and go-karting, and enjoyed lots of family time. Plus, sharing our exciting news about baby #2 made it a really special trip! 

Last year was spent in Albuquerque with my family, and once again, we decided not to put up a big tree since we'd be gone for a solid 3 weeks. We got to soak in some sunshine, hike and snowboard, and enjoy heaps of quality family time at random brunches and dinners. Truly a wonderful Christmas vacation! 

This year is so different. 

We don't have to travel more than 5 minutes to see family (2 siblings currently LIVE with us, so it's as simple as going downstairs, haha.) We are staying home, and attempting to create some of our own traditions in a new country and a yet another new home. And we have a little preschooler who is TOTALLY into all this Christmas stuff. I am really looking forward to seeing how this side of the world celebrates Christmas. From what I've seen so far it all seems pretty similar. Jesus' birth is a central theme and advent is pretty well observed, in fact, this Christmas marks the 200th year since the gospel was first shared with native New Zealanders, which is super exciting! And of course, the fat man himself Santa, is also all around and a huge part of celebrations. Although, this Santa wears shorts and looks a little bit like a beach bum. Haha. Still rocks a long white beard though! 

Summertime Christmas may never feel normal to me, but thankfully, summer in NZ still means random cold and cloudy days. Which means I can still gladly find an excuse to stay in all day and bake, or drink hot cocoa, or cuddle up and watch Elf! Definitely a Christmas tradition I refuse to let die. :)

Hasta luego, lovely people. 

Precious, isn't she? 

{found my "thing"}

Yep.

I've figured it out.

Turns out I do have a thing.

It's making babies. 

Yes, indeed, you read that correctly. Our precious little Numba Three is on his/her way! Apparently, part of my "thing" is getting unexpectedly pregnant, about 2 months or so after we move somewhere new. (Or to be fair.. 3 weeks after we got married, too!) And with patterns like this emerging I may have officially asked Nic that we not move.. Like ever again. Because I'm not sure I can handle any more surprise pregnancies like this. Haha! 

My excitement has ebbed and flowed like the tides, it seems. But I am finally in a place where I'm genuinely pretty stoked and excited and hopeful for the days to come. I still occasionally feel overwhelmed and like I have a lump in my throat threatening to escape in the form of ugly crying. Which of course, draws the attention of my 3 year old, who tries to comfort me by singing songs and bringing me his bunny to cuddle. But yes, peace and joy is finally what rests in my heart. I mean, seriously, we make some pretty precious little beings.. And aside from the colicky phases, crazy toddler defiance and potty training that seem to follow shortly thereafter, they've been an absolute delight to raise and watch grow.

To be completely honest, I was definitely not ready for this. And if it weren't for needing to bust out my trusty hair tie trick to fit into pants these days I still might have a hard time believing it ;)

Obviously, I'm not the first person in the world to have a bit of a surprise pregnancy, and not even the first to have 3 in a row but never in a million years would I have seen myself with 3 kids at 25.  In fact, I don't think I would have seen myself with any kids at 25. My perfect starting age in my perfectly mapped out life plan was 27- have a few spaced out by a couple years each and wrap it all up by about 32 or 33. But, as with most things in this life, God had a completely different plan for me, for us! And that's okay. 

Does it make me any less thankful to have these babes? Of course not. 

Does that make me any less in love with my children?! Don't be ridiculous. 

Does it make me a little envious of people who can use all the varied kinds of birth control and skate by without ever wondering why the heck they're starting to feel sick all the time and just.. so.. tired.. And oh wait, oh no... Yep, that's a plus sign..? Well...Yeah. Haha! Not about to lie about that one.

We're officially 0-3 as far as baby planning goes, and for a girl who's always trying to organize and plan and process outcomes of things LOOONG before ever having to face them.. This has proven to be quite a challenge for me, mentally and emotionally. 

Regardless of my initial feelings, however,  I've taken much comfort in knowing that we could not be in a more perfect place to be expanding our little family. And no matter how much my heart still grieves over leaving my beloved NYC, we could NOT be doing this if we were still there. God's timing truly is perfect. We have space to grow into here, which we severely lacked in our little corner of East Harlem. We have a fully fenced in backyard where the kids can play for hours without much need for mommy intervention at all, which of course was not the case there. Here we are surrounded by family, and while we had a handful of wonderful close friends in NYC, it's not quite the same as having dozens of aunts, uncles and cousins around the corner. We are blessed to have full maternal health care coverage, completely midwife lead, which is my preference by far, while birthing in NYC is a pretty tough business that I'm not sure I'd be up to dealing with again.. Ultimately, this is the perfect place for us to be. And I am so thankful for that. Even if I didn't know, God knew. 

I say it's high time to focus on the positives and joyful moments... Like having Hudson and Charlotte in the checkup with me when we got to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time.. And these little kicks and flutters I've been feeling for a while.. And the crazy amounts of kicks that start up when Hud or Lottie are laying on me... And the excited reactions we get from people when we tell them because "they thought we were done!!" (Ha.. Us too!!)... And the look on Nic's face when I spelled a message out in the sand... 

And the funny ridiculous outtakes from trying to get the kiddos to take a cute Pinteresty type announcement photo.. 

And how Hudson keeps talking about the baby in mama's belly and what the baby's heartbeat sounded like. "Thump, thump, thump, mama!" He likes to lift up the edge of my shirt to see my belly and talk to baby and give my belly kisses. And even likes to take pictures on my phone of my belly profile. Too sweet, that boy. Such a tender little heart. 

Lottie still doesn't really understand, and I don't expect her to anytime soon.. But she is going to be a great big sister, I'm sure of it. From the baby to the middle babe.. It's gonna be good for her, our little diva could stand to be taken down a few notches ;)

Alas, joyful or slightly worried, excited or overwhelmed- it is time to face the facts, and my growing waistline (and nausea, and dizzy spells, headaches, cramping, etc)... Because ready or not, this babe will be here before we know it! All the uncertainty and worries will just be a distant memory and we will get to snuggle a precious little squishy, fuzzy headed, tiny babe. And that is something we can all can get excited about! 

And believe me, my quest for a thing is not over. I WILL have a thing, one day... Maybe when my kids are all a little older and don't require 100% of my time and energy 100% of the time. Until then, joyfully, this whole mom thing is my "thing." 

  

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.." Jeremiah 1:5

{some}times

Sometimes babies hate sleep. 

And when your name is Charlotte Rose, "sometimes" more often means "all of the times." 

And that can sometimes lead to late night typing just to stay awake while a certain babe thrashes in your arms. 

And if your name is Kristin Rose, that "sometimes" means right now. 

Nic ventured off with one of our Uncles to see the new Fury movie tonight.  I'm fairly certain Charlotte just wanted to make sure I didn't miss out on any opportunities to snuggle up and not get any housework done. You know, cause I don't do that enough during the day.. Although the daytime "snuggling" part is more so playing referee and consoling various worries. But that's alright. 

Tonight, I don't mind at all. I'll kiss her little sweaty head and giggle at her occasional snores while I still can. Soon she won't need me to cuddle her to sleep, or pat her belly, or stroke her head. She won't need Nic to get up a million times* each night to replace her paci or fix her blanket. She won't need us to help get her through the night..

And while that sounds like a dream come true right now, we may actually come to miss it one day. Maybe not the broken sleep.. But being needed, wanted even... Yeah, we'll miss that. 

Wanna know what else we'll miss? Hudson running around in his cape. He's recently started insisting on wearing his super-cape for various outtings as well as just around the house. He runs as fast as his little legs will allow him and shouts with delight, "I'm flying, Mom!! Look! I'm FLYING!!!" And then he'll fake crash into the bushes with gusto. My word.. That little man. He makes me smile! (Sometimes.) (Okay. A lot of times) Our most recent public display of SuperHud was for our grocery shop a couple days ago..   He was so proud of it and he soaked up ALL the compliments like any SuperHero would, with a bashful grin from ear to eat and a high pitched, "thank you!!" I'm pretty proud to be raising a polite SuperHero.

In some of my weaker moments, or the heated moments (ahem, cue mommy rage for a toddler pooping on the front porch**) I forget. I forget that these days are fleeting and these babies are growing. In fact, they're not even babies anymore! I forget that one day my house will be empty and I'll be left hoping and praying that I did enough.. That I didn't somehow ruin them. That their lives would be a reflection of a wonderful, well rounded upbringing with loving parents who pointed them to Jesus at every opportunity. In any case, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to have the sweet moments, the ones where I can sit, breathe in their sweet scents and remember.. Even if just for a moment. These sweet little babes. They're hard work. They're exhausting. They steal my chocolate. But man, they're worth it. 

*obvious exaggeration but at 3am and he's out of bed for the 4th time for whatever reason, it feeeels like a million. 

**not an exaggeration.