Without fail the early morning pitter patter of feet coming into your bedroom is met with sheer denial. It doesn't matter if it comes in the form of a cheery toddler or a grumpy kid, the response remains the same...
*thud thud thud*
No, no, no, no, no, no, nope..
*shuffle shuffle shuffle*
Maybe if I don't move they'll go away...
"Moooomm.... Daaaad...."
I'm not here. Just. Keep. Still...
*loud whisper* "Mom. Mooooom. Daddy!!"
"Shhhhh, it's too early. Go back to bed, buddy."
Wait, what time is it? Oh. Okay. Sigh.
"Hey buddy! Good morning. Hi! How was your sleep? Did you have good dreams? How are you feeling?? Let's go downstairs, shhhhhh."
Some days the conversation goes a little differently or the radio silence can last a bit longer but.. You get the idea.
Every. Single. Morning.
Chapter Two: Breakfast
For centuries mums have been known to hide out, either on the kitchen floor or in the pantry (laundry room, broom closet, etc.) and eat their breakfast. *
Not because they crave a domestic aesthetic more pleasing than the sight of small children smearing oatmeal on a table, but because sometimes they just don't feel like sharing. Also, it can be a bit cumbersome- making breakfast for kids that are sure to reject it the second you sit down to eat your own. Even if it's the same thing.
*Please note that the hiding out is not strictly associated with breakfast time. Hiding out can be practiced throughout the day whenever a mother sees fit.
Chapter 3: The Chores
Ever wonder why it takes so long for laundry to get folded and put away? I can tell you.
Because it requires two hands, coffee-powered motivation, nap-less bedrooms, the stars to align, a dash of black magic and a big flashing DO NOT DISTURB sign.
Admittedly, that's a bit of an exaggeration but, the first few needs are true- if the task requires two hands it likely isn't getting done until midnight.* Except for putting away the laundry, of course, because that requires bedrooms to be free of sleeping children.
So.
Good luck with that one, mom.
Make a pb&j? Simple.
(Carefully) slice an apple or carrot sticks? Done.
Load the dishwasher or start a laundry cycle? Easy.
Wipe down a countertop or spot sweep a kitchen? I can almost do that with my eyes closed.
These chores are all easy because they only require the use of one hand, and since I'm always holding, rocking, bouncing or consoling a little one with my other, it's easy to get swamped by those two handed tasks.
*This also answers the age-old queries:
Why do the dishes pile up in the sink? Why doesn't the house get mopped? Why are there toys stuck all the way under the couch?
Why are there cobwebs in every corner?
Why does she always look like she's about to fall asleep?
Say it with me now- if the task requires two hands it isn't getting done until midnight.
Chapter Four: The Lies
Are you aware of the fact that probably a third of what your parents told you is untrue? Not because they outright wanted to deceive you but because sometimes it's fun to let little imaginations run wild--- and also, sometimes the truth is a little too much for tiny minds to deal with--And, even sometimes, it can be easier than dealing with the temperamental backlash of a toddler.
Elf on a Shelf, Santa, Tooth Fairy, growing donuts out of Cheerios, replacing goldfish after they've died, sending beloved pets to a "farm"...
"All the gummy bears are gone, buddy!"
"The steam coming out over there? That's the cloud factory!!"
"This juice that I'm drinking? This is yucky. You won't like it."
"Maybe we will go to the park later!!"
"The paci fairy is coming to take your paci to the little babies that need them.."
"Mommy and daddy were just wrestling, honey!!"
See what I mean? The lies never end.
Chapter Five: The Husbands
Who signed up to walk with you through the thick and thin (including waist lines)?
Who's cheesy jokes are enough to bring a smile to your face?
Who's very presence in a room can change the entire atmosphere of your home??
Yes, indeed, the man of your dreams, your very best friend, the one who did this to you.. However you look at it, he's your number one ally in the parenting world. The best person to navigate the back to back colds with, the diaper explosions while out grocery shopping, and the never ending questions from your budding preschooler.
Stressful day? Give him a call.
Terrorist toddler strikes again? Nice long hug can cure all.
Anxiety wrecking your ability to even move? Lean in, take a deep breath and let him take the reigns.
He's got you.
Chapter Six: The Help
Where would mommies be without extra help from time to time?
You can never understand the true value of helpful aunties, or friends who don't mind a couple extra kids for an afternoon, until you're a bit downtrodden, frazzled and in desperate need of a moment to run errands or clean without things immediately being destroyed or just sit and breathe.
Into your home they trot, fresh faced, polished and is that a little hope you can see in their eyes?? Not even a hint of fear or trepidation? They want to help you.
And for the love of God, woman, take it.
We may never be able to fully verbalize the depth of our gratitude for people willing to step in and hold a little one for a while, or do the dishes, or take the big kids to the pool... But believe me, it's DEEP. And heartfelt. And so very desperately needed.
Chapter Seven: The Plans
There's an old saying, "Man plans and God laughs." But I think it really should be changed to, "Mothers plan and children do everything in their power to destroy them."
Suden illness, battle royale between siblings, lost shoes, diaper explosions, sudden need for food RIGHT NOW, broken zippers, meltdown over getting hair combed, peed in pants, stomping in muddy puddles, crying because of the lost shoes, "Oh look! All the toys in my room ended up on the floor!," dying of thirst, slow motion everything, someone got into mommy's makeup, someone found the sticker stash, someone fell asleep while waiting for everyone else to get ready, someone is behaving like a completely normal small child....
Just a few examples. Not that any of them have ever happened to me, cause I'm never late. My plans ALWAYS work out 100%.
Jk.
Chapter Eight: The Crying
There's lots of it.
And I'm not talking about the kids.
I'm talking about the ugly, snotty, balled up on the floor weeping that comes after a hellish morning of bad tempers and there's no peace in sight. I'm talking 5 months post partum and you're working your butt off to slim down but your clothes still don't fit and you aren't comfortable in your own skin tears. Or the house is a wreck, kids are hell-bent on destruction, dinner is burnt, husband will be home any minute and all you wanted was to have a clean home and nice meal for him to come home to crying. And need I remind you of the late night, so very tired, and so very overwhelmed by every little thing, but trying to not wake your husband tears.
I see you, Mama. You're not alone. This mom life can be tough. It's exhausting. It's hard work that sometimes feels will never pay off. It's laundry, and dishes, and tempers, and chaos. It is all-consumingly, devastatingly wonderful.
Chapter Nine: The Happy Stuff
Here is where I want to end.
The days are long but the years are so very short. Our babies turn into toddlers who turn into preschoolers... And let's face it, that's as far as I've gotten.
But in the midst of all of the craziness are dozens, thousands really, of beautiful moments and memories to be had.
Giggles in the blanket fort, ecstatic grins from being hoisted into air like a rocket, days spent entirely in jammies, baking messes from helping hands, swinging in the hammock together, nice long walks when springtime is making its entrance, breathing in sweet baby cuddles, freshly bathed toddlers without the slightest hint of grubby fingers or faces.. The list is endless.
And I think the ultimate secret of motherhood is to focus on these wonderful things, right?
To let go of the frustrations that come with raising children and dig your heels in deep for the moments that matter. To not listen to the voices that tell you this is too much, or that you can't do it and just smile. To remember the monotonous moments as just little stepping stones to the sweet ones that really matter. To not take everything so seriously, let go of the need to control everything and just let kids be kids sometimes. Let love and joy dictate your day. Breathe them in while they're just a breath away.
Oh, and hey, guess what... I suck at this. I get it downright backwards sometimes but I'm trying. And that's all anyone can really ask of me.
And there you have it, all the secrets have been spilled. The lid has been blown right off. Can of beans- all over the floor.
No really, there's a can of beans on the floor that I need to clean up. Catch ya later.
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:7
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