25.

There is no official mark of adulthood. 

When I was growing up I thought it was as simple as drinking your coffee black (uh, no), having kids (yeah, I'm pretty sure I act less mature than they do at times), having a job or paying your bills. 

As it turns out adulthood is an ever evolving process that I'm not sure anyone ever officially masters {and if someone says they do they probably need a lot more work than the rest of us ;).} It's learning when to speak up and when to be silent, when to hold on and when to let go, when to act a fool and when to be reserved. Learning how to maneuver through difficult situations with grace and love. Learning to respect ALL others regardless of race, religion, age, income, education, sex, sexuality or mental stability. Learning to be you in the truest sense of the word. 

In light of my quarter life crisis, I thought I'd share some of the Things I've learned in my first 25 years:

Some people will never apologize. I read somewhere that we must learn to accept an apology we will never receive.. And that really hit home. It's tough, but it is crucial to be able to move on. It doesn't make it "right" or okay or easier to forget, but it makes life just a touch more bearable.

Potty training is not for the faint of heart.

Teddy bears can break things when thrown. 

Living joyfully isn't a "gift" to be acquired. Living joyfully is a daily choice.{Of which I often fail.}

No one can hurt you more deeply than your very own family members. 

And while that ^ may be true, family can also be your biggest support in this life, your best friends and a guaranteed good time. (Seriously, I have the best brothers {and sister in laws!!} in the world. You should be jealous. Very very jealous.) 

Some friendships were meant to last forever, but most are just for a season. And that's okay. 

Always, always, always wear underwear with a short dress. Never underestimate the wisdom behind bloomers, pantyhose or spanx. Use them. 

Faith is less of a one-time commitment and more of a lifelong journey. Of which you are constantly having to reassure, reassess, and respond. 

No one makes it out of this life unscathed. 

Don't marry someone because "it makes sense." Marry them because you can't imagine life without them, because you never want to make a new memory without them in it, because there is no one else in this world you would rather fight with, sit on the couch staring at your phones with, hold hands with, cuddle up for 5 minutes before returning to your respective sides of the bed with, laugh with, celebrate birthdays and holidays with, or kiss. Marry your best friend and everything else will fall into place. 

Parenting is one of the toughest challenges I've encountered. It has stripped me raw and exposed things inside of myself that are far from lovely. Yet, these tiny little humans look up to me daily with nothing but love in their eyes. Devastatingly wonderful. 

Considering all that happens in our world, spiders really aren't that scary. But that doesn't mean I'll go near one, or touch one. Ever. 

Getting out of pajamas at the start of the day is essential for any productivity to be achieved. 

Say I love you, and say it often. 

Never underestimate the impact of a simple hand written note. (Saying thank you, I love you, I miss you, a dumb joke, etc) Snail mail is a lost art form and I intend on fighting that loss, even if I have to fight it alone. 

The time it takes to make things messy pales in comparison to the time it takes to clean up. It's just a fact of life.

You DON'T hail a cab and then run to meet them in the middle of the road. Stay on the curb until they pull over, dangit. 

Kids have a sixth sense to know when; you've finally finished cleaning and are ready to relax, you are laying in bed and are just about to fall asleep, you have a sweet treat of any kind, and when you might possibly be having any fun without them.

You can't eat a ton of junk food or fried food and not get a tummy ache. It's simply a law of nature. 

Speaking of laws, you know Murphy's Law? You may as well call it "Life-As-We-Know-It Law." The pocket of your cardi gets stuck on the door handle as you rush by because why wouldn't it? You drop the LAST piece of cake frosting side down... Well, you should have been more careful. 

Hola, mi nombre es Kristin. ¿Comó está usted? Estoy muy bien, gracias. Mi español es muy malo pero conozco un poquito mas que una persona promedio.. Ooookay. ¡Adios! ¡Dios le bendiga!

You will never know the true meaning of "stealth mode" until you desperately try to back out of a sleeping infant's bedroom unnoticed, or try to waltz through the living room without making eye contact with one of your little people. Oh and remember that Murphy's Law we talked about? You WILL somehow run into that toy that you SWEAR you picked up not even 5 minutes ago which causes the kids to come running to your side thinking it was an invitation to play. 

My times tables and long division. Carry the one... (Thanks Mrs. Gunderson!)

And last, for now, if it smells like it's burning, it is most definitely burning. Get your butt to the kitchen. 

Were you keeping count? That was 25. Cause, you know, I'm 25 now.

Clever, I know. 

(no)thing

So there's this episode of Friends where they're all sitting around, as usual, discussing life and one of the guys starts lamenting over the fact that he "doesn't have a "thing," where everyone else had their "thing" in the world that made them unique or was their specialty in life that they we're passionate about. I've actually been debating in my head whether it was Ross or Chandler, because I can imagine it both ways and I think I'm probably mixing one or two or three episodes all together. Either way, I remember enough bits and fragments to have a scene in my head that's been playing over and over the past few weeks where someone shouts, "I don't have a thing!!"... Why? Because I've realized, over the last few years, I've kinda lost myself. I don't really have a "thing" anymore. 

Music used to be my number one "thing" in life, my biggest dream, my passion and pursuit, my be all and end all. You could ask just about anyone, "What does Kristin do?," and they would more than likely respond something to the tune of, "Well, she sings. And plays piano." The whole basis of Nic and my relationship was on that shared interest, music. We played shows together, wrote songs about nonsense, wrote songs about us, made googly eyes across the guitar while singing songs about our love story, fought over lyrics and melodies and timing, lead worship together, dreamt of a life traveling the world playing our songs for all to hear, made plans to never stop... 

And then things changed. Life got in the way. Kids came along. 2 huge moves took place. And here we are, nearly 5 years later without a single instrument in our home. Bits and pieces of old music books are in a pile in the garage, only because we couldn't bear the thought of throwing it all out when we moved to NZ. Somewhere along the way we've lost it, lost heart, lost the passion. 

I was pondering what people would say these days, to that same question, "What does Kristin do?" And to be honest, I've genuinely had trouble coming up with an actual answer beyond "mom stuff." Even I don't exactly know what I do anymore. But that can't be. Surely there must be something I do that means something to me...  Crumb Corraler, Vaccum Queen, Toddler Referee, Diaper Changer, Laundry Attacker, Meal Planner, Snack Supplier.. The list is endless. And yet, none of them feel like "my thing." I don't find any joy or satisfaction from them. They're more so what I have to do rather than what I want to do.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I do love my children and I know that being home with them is a blessing beyond measure, (That I'm sure in the coming years I will look back and be even more thankful for,) but the want for a "thing" is still there. I know that all of this comes with the territory, and should be expected, and is also pretty much unavoidable especially in the first years of your children's lives. I mean, everything is SO hands on. It's truly a 24/7 job that requires total dedication. It costs sleep and sanity and the ability to not pee yourself everytime you sneeze unexpectedly.

I think "losing yourself" to motherhood is somewhat  part of it all.. A part that no one really warns you about. Or maybe they do, but you somehow believe you can be different, that it won't affect you, that you can beat the system. Either way, I am ready. I'm ready to branch out, even just a little. 

As we are nearing Lottie's first birthday, (and she seems to be enjoying sleep all little more these days, *squeee!*)  I can almost feel some of the pressure releasing, I can see somewhere off in the distant horizon a shred of light, some hope for a happier, less overwhelmed me. Maybe I can become a runner again, or play my piano and write music again (somebody, find me a piano!) or start building and making things, or finish my degree!! 

Or maybe that's just my cup of coffee talking. Sigh. 

Mark my words, I WILL have a thing again soon. 

"But now, what do I look for? My hope is in You, Lord." Psalm 39:7

We made it!

If you have been around my dear Hudsy boy in recent months you have most likely heard him exclaim, "We made it!," as he greets you.

It's his new thing.

We got off the airplane,  "We made it!!"

We pull up to a grocery store, "We made it!!"

We pull into our garage,  "We made it!!"

We drive up to anyone's driveway,  "We made it!!"

We walk up to the playground, and goodness gracious,  "We made it!!!!!"

We've had a long few months of transition, and we are still in the midst of it all, really. The home we're staying in is not our own, and we should be shifting into our rental in the next couple of weeks, if all goes according to plan. Until then we have a LOT of shopping to do, with limited funds in a very expensive country, and thankfully, since we only came with suitcases of clothes and such, not too much packing at all! Should be fun! 

Hudson's little phrase started while we were on our big long road trip in the States, everytime we'd hop in the car we'd let him know where we were going. And everytime we'd stop (food,

gas, or the real thing) he'd proclaim, "I'm hoooome!" It broke our hearts a little bit each time. He seemed to be longing for a home as much as we were. Overtime, and after having to hear us explain that, indeed we weren't home yet but that we'd be home soon, he changed his little exclamation to a little less specific, "we made it!" He's growing up so fast, and really starting to understand so much. It's so wild to me that I can look him in the eyes, explain something, and actually get a positive response, with proof of comprehension shortly thereafter. Kids are amazing, seriously. 

Anyways, it's pretty crazy that we've already been here a month. It just doesn't seem possible. And yet, somehow, it has also felt LONGER than just a month. You know, that whole two-extremes-at-once dichotomy that is my life, haha.   

We're enjoying life here and loving being close to family. It's the first time in our short marriage we have lived near family, and boy, are they close. Quite literally, nearly everyone is only a two minute drive away. We could leave our driveway, turn any direction and be at someone's home in less time than it takes to listen to a Coldplay song. It's awesome! Just the other day, I was walking home from my new favorite grocery store (Bin Inn, holla!) and waved down Serena while she was taking her kids home from school, and minutes after we arrived home Nana and Jessica pop in for a quick little visit. That's what you do here, pop in, no notice, no call ahead! Its wild. And guess what else? People genuinely don't care if your house is cleaned up or not, they just want to see you. They're popping in to say hello, possibly have a hot drink if you've the time to sit down and chat, and then they're off to get along with their day. I love it! A little part of me still gets anxiety whenever I see someone pull up and my house is less than perfect (ahem, two tiny tornadoes live here) but either way, I really love the laid back nature of Kiwi life. I definitely think I could get used to this.

After all, we've made it, right?

Until next time-

Cheers, love and French Press coffee. 

So, it's tomorrow.

The day I am leaving my home country.

The day we board a plane with nothing but our suitcases to claim as our own. 

Tomorrow is the day we have been waiting for, preparing for and stressing over.

The day I walk away from 4th of July celebrations and Thanksgiving to adapt to a new culture, with new holidays. 

Tomorrow is the day a new chapter begins.

{our last glimpse of NYC *sigh*}

Kinda poetic, isn't it? I like to think so. 

I'm genuinely struggling to find words for this current state of our lives. It's a bit bizzare, absurd almost. There has been a whirlwind of decisions, planning, travel and packing (and repacking, and repacking, and repacking etc) since March 24 and there are no clear indications of when the whirlwind will slow. 

In the same swift manner we got the job that took us to New York we lost it. Out of nowhere, with no warning and no severance to speak of. It came as quite a shock but there definitely was some peace that came alongside it. We have always known we were not meant to live in New York forever and we never quite knew how we'd transition away from the job and home. And as always, God had a plan all along. 

It didn't take long for the moving talk to begin. With the cost of living being so high in NYC we knew we couldn't last more than a couple months on what we had saved up. And the likelihood of Nic or I finding a lucrative job quickly enough seemed pretty low. So, where to go? 

We talked about Cali, we talked about Texas, we talked about KC, we even talked about New Mexico or Colorado. None seemed to be promising on the job front. So we started discussing New Zealand. With Nic's family and friend connections we knew a job couldn't be too difficult to come by, not to mention the fact that Nic has been talking about moving home since I've met him. It just made sense. We immediately started making phone calls, asking questions and sorting out plans. We were gonna do it. 

Little did I know, it would involve some of the toughest things I think I am yet to endure... selling EVERYTHING and saying goodbye to some of the best friends I've ever had, and leaving my children's first best friends. My heart has been heavy for so many weeks. I can't even express the grief that came from leaving our little corner of East Harlem, our shoebox in Manhattan. It was my little tiny world. My safe place. It kept us safe from Sandy, housed two wonderful (and HUGE!) Thanksgiving meals and a gender reveal party, welcomed our second beautiful baby, rested our weary bones after hours of walking the busy streets, housed guests and friends and late night coffee and tea dates, early morning play dates, brunches and brinners and family dinners. It had the perfect floor space for dancing to Frank Sinatra in the kicthen, Hudson's first steps in the living room and Charlotte's first crawls throughout the home. The couch served as a prime spot for movie nights, sick day cartoons, snuggles and cuddles- the perfect height to teach Hudson to race his HotWheels and Charlotte to cruise. Our bedroom was my safe haven with a big cozy bed that fit all 4 of us with ease. And the comically teeny excuse of a second bedroom is where Hudson learned to sleep in a big boy bed, share his toys with his sister and friends, read countless books and spent many nights staring at the Dino Glow lights on his ceiling.  There my heart remains. 

I've left a little piece of my heart in all of our homes. That's honestly one of the most beautiful (albeit painful) parts about moving around. With every home we settle down in and make our own, we grow roots. Wether we intend to or not. And when we leave that place, just like an uprooted tree, we can't help but leave a little bit of ourselves behind.

I find peace and comfort knowing that bits and pieces of my family are spread out all over Manhattan. From strangers who purchased our things at a stoop sale, to friends we gave things to and families who will find our things in second hand stores. Precious books, furniture, kitchen items, wedding gifts, toys, meaningful things with special stories.. All belonging to someone else now.

And so, we move on. We've spent the better part of the last month traveling around to spend time with family and friends before we embark on this journey half way around the world. Nic thought it just wouldn't be right to take me from my home without giving me a chance to get some good hugs in. I am so so thankful. My phone is now bursting at the seams with photos and my heart is full of love. 

To everyone who took time out of their busy schedules, made time for my little family, and made it a priority to see us: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much it means to me. I feel so blessed to have such incredible family and friends in my life. 

And even to those who were unable to: I love you, and I can't wait for the time that we will be able to spend together in the future.

It's tomorrow. 

And I think I'm ready.

"My presence will go with you and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

 

Change is a' comin'

Who has two thumbs and has barely had time to think, much less write a blog post  these days?

This girl.

Life. It's an amazing thing, isn't it? 

Always ebbing. Changing. Moving. Flowing. Pushing forward, granting us only the choice to accept and glide along or push back and fight the inevitable change. 

Change. It's coming fast.

And no, it isn't another baby (that I'm aware of.)

10 Easy Steps On How To Potty Train Your Two Year Old Son:

Nah, I'm just kidding. But hey, guess what?

I only have to buy diapers for my baby girl these days!! Our Toddler Man, Hud the Stud, has said goodbye to the diaper days and moved onto bigger and better things. 

I assure you, it did not come easily. 

And it didn't happen overnight.

And it sucked. Hard.

And to be totally honest, we're still working on it. 

Who knew getting a kid to use a toilet would be so tough?! No one told me that when I signed up for this whole parenting gig. 

We tried a few different versions of a few different methods, started and failed, took a break, tried again, took a longer break and then came back to it at the beginning of December. And honestly, it all spawned from a good kick in the rear and some encouragement while talking with my good friend who'd had success training her twin girls that are about the same age as Hudson. I literally got off the phone with her that afternoon, stripped Hud's diaper off, packed away the rest of them and said, "that's it, wee man! We're doing this!" Surprisingly, we actually had some pretty good progress before our trip and I was hopeful that we'd be able to keep it up but the break from usual routine and being away from home caused our potty-train to sort of derail (har har).. I'm pretty sure he spent the better part of those 3 weeks in a Pull-Up but I digress. 

We picked right back up when we came home and I am glad to say, a few weeks later, that we have finally succeeded. 

Granted, there's still the occasional accident, and random rebel from potty time and I feel like that's to be expected this early on in the game with him still technically on the "young" side for potty training. But who knows, maybe I'm just tooting our horn a little too early.. Quite frankly, I don't care. 

I have no secrets to share, nor fool proof methods to divulge.. But I will say, oh my word, the headache, the endless mess, the frustration- it has been worth it. And I am so glad to be moving forward. I'm sure there are plenty of great excuses in favor of the waiting game, but I haven't changed the kids diaper in about 2 months and it feels GREAT. 

I have, however, cleaned crap off my floor, the toilet, his hands, my hands, the bathtub, his legs, etc and done more "bathtub laundry" to clean peed on nundies and pants than I can express. So. There's that. 

Step one: just do it.

Step two: don't give up.

Step three: no really, don't give up.

Step four: I see that look in your eye, you wanna give up, and really, you could... No one would think less of you.. But don't.

Step five: oh hey, look at that. There's a little light at the end of the tunnel, keep going.

Step six: hardcore regression.

Step seven: okay, it's past the point of frustrating and quite possibly the most infuriating thing you've ever dealt with... But it's gonna be alright, keep pressing forward. 

Step eight: make him help clean the crap off his clothes. See how much he likes THAT.

Step nine: he hates it.

Step ten: sweet victory.  Sort of.

{... Yeah, he's gonna hate me for this one day... But that's what parents are for right? Embarrassing you and documenting milestone moments?? You're welcome, kid ;) }

Valentine's Date

We have some pretty amazing friends out here, let me tell you.

We feel so blessed. 

For Christmas we were gifted with some tickets to the opera for Valentine's Day along with a promise of free babysitters for the night from our beloved Kennedy's. I just can't even express our joy for having such fantastic people here to be living life with. They take every opportunity to bless us and I can only hope that we are reciprocating even half  of the love they've poured out on us while we have been here.

They have played such an important roll in our stay here, truly filling some of the "family" void  in our lives since we all are lacking in that department in NYC. We take every chance to explore the East Coast together, and hang out to talk, share, joke.. It's so fulfilling. Truly. We typically all get together on Saturday nights for brinner and games.. It's become a bit of a tradition and I love it! We are so thankful for their friendship/familyship!

Anyways, they gifted us this fantastic evening, and we had a blast. Dinner at a fancy pants restaurant, and the opera... Hudson even managed to sustain his first bit of a head injury while we were gone and Alee handled it like a pro! Sent us pics, gave us a play by play and we were able to decide that he was a-okay, no stitches needed, and we could continue on with our evening. We came home before the opera ended, though.. It was a 4 hour production and neither of us were too confident in our abilities to stay awake throughout the rest of the show. Haha, we headed home and spent a few hours hanging with Tyson and Alee and watching the Winter Olympics together. We love our friends.