Tales of a Fourth Month Nothing

I am officially 16 weeks preggo today and have not much more to show for it than a "full" looking tummy. You know, that bloated look you get when you had about 12 too many bites at a restaurant? Yep! That's me! All knocked up and nothing to show for it!

I say that like its a bad thing- most people are desperate to cling to their last piece of "normal" clothing and look to the maternity section with disdain. Me however, I scour the internet at any given chance to see where I can buy cutsie preggo clothes in bulk. I simply can not wait! Can you tell? I just want to have a bump that says, theres a baby in here-- not just food. A bump that says, Hello- I am with child, would you like to pour me a glass of lemonade? Haha.Nothing more, nothing less.

I don't know why I am complaining about it, really. I am sure when this baby bump arrives I will be just as quick to change my mind and wish for a thinner me, a less uncomfortable me, a less oh-ow me. Or maybe not. I just think this whole maternal thing is growing on me. In a way, I feel like having something to show will not only make it more real- but give me some assurance that everything is going just perfectly :)

In other recent news, one of my life-long besties, Jessica, just found out that she is having identical twins!! Amazing, right?! Such an awesome blessing! To make things even more wonderful- we have the exact same due date. September 8- the big day with the even bigger countdown! Once again, God the Almighty Orchestrator must have really thought this one through. My life has always seemed to take a path much like Jess' just a couple steps behind, (seeing that she is a few years my senior), and now, here we are, walking down the same road together. Well-- at least very similar- I'm sure she's gonna have double of everything to deal with. Lord, help her. I just can't be more thrilled about everything that has been going on!

I have been keeping busy at work and fitting in just the right amounts of play time and rest time when I am not there. I seem to have found my place at work, part confidant, part bringer-of-the-good-recipes, part problem solver, and oh, part what-I-get-paid-to-do. Haha! The girls at work are really great and it's been fun getting to know them all. It will be sad to leave when its time for me to become a full time momma- but until then, I will certainly soak up all the social time the Lord will allow me!

Selfish, pety thoughts aside- everything has just been wonderful- we really do serve a faithful God.

Stay tuned for more news on my ever slowly growing bellly....

Like Sunlight Burning At Midnight--

Life always had this way of taking things you thought were wonderful and turning them into something extraordinary.

Life has a way of picking you up, turning things around and giving you the chance to make a run for it or take it all in stride.

Life also has this way of taking your plans, crumpling them up and tossing them into the trash bin without consulting you first.

NONE of these things are, in any way, bad. It all depends on your perspective, of course. I choose to believe that God is the ultimate composer- the ever talented artist- the everyday hero that comes in on a day-to-day basis and simply tweaks things that we never would have expected- but all for our better good. Sometimes we're able to see it and instantly meet Him with a grateful heart and sometimes we're a little more hesitant to accept the change. You see, we had a curve ball tossed our way a mere 2 months ago. One we never would have planned for in this moment in time, one we actually frequently spoke of as being far off in the distant future, something we could see ourselves getting into in 3-5 years- a wonderful thought- just not for right now.

Clearly, the Lord hated that plan and wanted to do only what He knows how to do best. Rearrange.

I say this all with a light heart, mind you. I feel like I may be sounding down-and-out or even a bit on the spiteful side, but I assure you, what I am about to say brings me immense joy! I am overwhelmed with gladness and most times cannot find the words to say beyond- "Thank you Jesus!"

Nic and I have a wonderful new addition on his/her way come early fall and we are ecstatic! Officially what can be deemed a "Honeymoon baby." The thought that this time next year I will have a wee little one is amazing! No! Extraordinary.

We found out in a fairly usual way- I miss that time of the month and took a test. First one came back negative- second came back with a little tiny pink plus sign. A doodle that can't be undid, home skillet. So we did what any other normal couple would do- we combed the internet for a low/no cost clinic that would help us out (since insurance was out of the picture) At this time I was still pretty uncertain about what could be going on- you see, the test that came back positive had this super lame disclaimer that states "If you have ever had ovarian cysts or any issue with PCOS you may show a false positive." Ha. BOTH are things the Lord has healed me of, and BOTH are things that would cause me to miss a period. So-- we figured the best bet would be to skip on spending another $10 on an at home test and let the doc's do what they know how to do best. Bring us some news. And boy, did they ever.

Its amazing how the Lord perfectly orchestrates even the TINIEST of happenings- I wanted an ultrasound like NO other because that in my mind would be the ONLY way to clear things up-- cyst or baby? I have this need to just always see things for myself. I need verification, on every level, all the time. It's just one of those "things" about me. Everywhere we called didn't seem to want to give an ultrasound on a first visit so we finally gave up the hope for that and gave in to just getting a blood test. We show up and lo' and behold- they're incredibly busy so the only room the can squeeze us into is, duh duhn duuuuuuhhhnn---- the ultrasound room! After discussing the situation the midwife looks at me and said- welp- how about we clear things up real quick? I'll give you an ultrasound! Nic and I were ecstatic and I couldn't hardly even blurt out, "Yes, please" quick enough.

And there it was.

A little tiny blob on the screen- with its very own heartbeat. You could actually physically see the babies heart beating. Completely separate from mine. Nothing in this world could be more surreal that the very instant you find out you are having a baby... Your first baby. A surprise baby! A baby that by no means was planned or expected by us-- but had clearly been in the plans since the Lord brought us together. A flood of emotions hit me. It was like a tidal wave- I am a mom. We are parents! Look at it! Right there! Starin right back at me!! Its got your soft wavy lines, babe!

I would be lying if I said all I was feeling were happy thoughts- I was terrified, to put it simply. In fact I was so caught up in the moment of not knowing what the heck to think the very first words I was able to get out of my mouth were selfish ones-- "Aw man-- this means I'm gonna be FAT at Kevin and Meryl's wedding!!" Haha- so stupid. But what I was thinking nonetheless. A lil' different than Nic's first thought to ask if it was a boy or not- haha. Suffice to say- we were shocked. And emotional.

We almost immediately called our parents to share the news- and all and any fear, shame, worry, and negative thoughts went flying out the window. Getting to share the news with our family came with lots and lots of excitement. This is officially the first grandbaby on both the Mullaney side AND Hansen side. To say that this baby is going to be spoiled and loved on like crazy is an understatement. :)

Our brothers are already fighting over who will be the "Cool Uncle" and our sisters are already debating who gets to be the first babysitter. The dad's have already decided what they want the baby to call them. And the mom's are ever-so-diplomatically deciding who gets to hold the baby at Kevin and Meryl's wedding. Its a beautiful thing.

So- unlike our plans which often are greatly flawed and selfish- God takes things into HIS hands and turns them into marvelous works of art.

And we could not be more excited.

So- mark it on your calendars- write it out like a song-- September 8 is the big day. Nic and Kristin Hansen are on the road to parenthood.

And this has been my Monday night....

It's amazing what sorts of people seem to fade in and out your life- one day you feel like you can't live a moment without them and the next you find yourself realizing its been 6 MONTHS since you spoke to them and you now know little to none about their exsistence. And you're either totally okay with that-- or like me, it absolutely breaks you heart.

I am the type of girl that loves and loves quickly and typically loves for forever. Even when people hurt me I can't really find it in me to ever really "let it go." I have this undying need to "fix" it and hopefully still be friends and ultimately my love for that person never goes away- I will always wish them well and hope for the best no matter what the future friendship looks like. I, too tho, am not dumb. I do have the ability to realize when a friendship is otherwise toxic and in turn it is much easier to "let go" of then if that person was a good, genuine friend. Nonetheless- I am still nowhere close to ever being able to stop caring for them- no matter how much they crushed my heart or trampled my spirt.

Why is that? I have no idea.

This Monday evening I have had the joy of Skyping with a dear friend of mine that I have known since I was a freshman in highschool- and now here I am married- nearly 8 years later and we can just sit and hang out talking about the most random thing that pops up in our minds. Its amazing! Sure- we have had our "ups" and "downs" and the occasional season of being too busy to even think about having a conversation- yet our friendship remains.

They always say that if at the end of a man's life he has one or two close friends then he is considered a RICH man.

I feel blessed. And I know that I really am. I truly have been blessed with some incredible friends. Not only friends but an amazing family. Each and every single one of my brothers and sisters hold a VERY special place in my heart and my parents are all fantastic at the very least. And yet sometimes in my own self-pity I forget to see past my pettiness. I forget to see past the fact that I am not surrounded with tons of friends like some sort of social butterfly. It's like I yearn for this ridiculous scene from high school where everyone around me is a friendly face and everyone around me wants to hang out Friday night.

I feel like I am finally learning that being some sort of socialite is NO where near as full-filling as having a few close friends and an even closer family.

I am rich, indeed.

Snowpocalypse

Here on my side of the world this week, we had the most spectacular down pour of snow I believe I have ever seen outside of getting snowed in at our family cabin in Colorado back when I was in highschool. Kansas City was deemed to be in a "State of Emergency," complete with National Guard coming through and snow plows working overtime. I even got called out of a day and a half of work cause the roads were nearly impossible to drive on! Woot!

Nic and I, as you can imagine, spent every moment of my time off together and it was splendid. We walked in the snow and took adventures in snow boots..I even got to make that apple pie I have been wanting to make for weeks! So so much fun :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I adore this man I married? Cause it's endless :)

We got a kitten about a month ago (my belated Christmas gift!) and she has been a fun little addition to our family. She is full of quirky little cute things that are absolutely hilarious- she will come out of hiding under the couch to meow at us as if to let us know its bedtime, she loves oranges and apples, she is inLOVE with this brown blanket we got from our gift registry, she literally starts purring the moment she touches it, and she will come find us wherever we are in the house to let us know she's hungry- and would very much so enjoy our company at lunch. She seemingly insists we follow her to the kitchen where her tiny little bowls lay. We named her Banjo and it is definitely fitting- she is scruffy beyond belief and has the coloring of a crazy hill country kitty. All white except a couple splotches of orange and brown on her face and then her entire tail is striped. Basically the most precious kitty of all time :)

Nic has fully gotten back into the swing of rugby season- practice 3 days a week and of course, the working out that comes along with being in any sort of sport. The games don't start for another month or so. I do wish we didn't have to sacrifice so much of our time together for him to play but what I wish even more than that is that my husband would feel happy and have an outlet and some good friends to hang out with. Which is exactly what this is for him- a wonderful way to stay fit and a chance to play the game he has loved since he was a young lil' Kiwi. What's pretty exciting about it all is that the team is looking towards going pro by next season! They're already sponsored by Adidas and have an incredible stadium being built for their use as well as the KC Wizards (pro soccer team). It may not be a billion-dollar stadium like the Cowboys-- but who's to say that won't be in their future?? I am so excited for my honey- it's gonna be great to get to watch him play this season- and for many more to come!

I feel like I am running out of things to say- not because I am boring or anything-- just mostly cause I am sleepy. You wouldn't think working at a desk all day would wear you out, but my word-- I come home every day just about ready to crash!

Sooo I'm off- goodnight. Farewell for now-- I'll be back soon :)

And so it begins...

Our life has been like a roller coaster since the moment we said our vows... and it's got me really wondering what the heck the Lord has got brewin' for us in that heart and mind of His. We have spent so much time dreaming up what our future is gonna look like now that we're finally married and finally starting this trek towards our blissful forever...

We're thought of living in other countries- we've thought of going into full time ministry and forsaking what we know to be "stable" lifestyles- we've dreamt of living our lives as full time musicians, dedicating all we have and do to the Lord- we've thought of being a fairly typical American family, complete with stay-at-home mom and hard working dad- we've thought of finishing our different school programs or maybe even starting new ones... There have been countless "what-if's" and "maybe's." Countless dreams thought up by two bright eyed dreamers caught up with their heads in the clouds- but at least we're there together :)

So much of our life since our wedding (and even much before then) has been waiting. Waiting on the Lord.. Just listening. Waiting for what we're hoping to be a clear answer.

Not only have we been in this season of waiting since, well, for as long as I can really remember, it's also been a season of Divine Encounters. Things that God Himself could have only set up- from the simplest things like running into friends that we had JUST been discussing needing to catch up with, to me landing a job the exact same day Nic's entire department gets laid off. These have been so fun watching and just relishing in the fact- He LOVES us SO much to let us know He cares. He brings forth the desires of our hearts without us even saying a word- and most times before we even knew they were a need.

Yes, it has been extremely tight, financially speaking. To the point where we're kind just living on oatmeal and PB&J's at the moment. But we're together. And we love each other. And this love is GROWING!

I have been amazed by how much more I have managed to fall more and more in love with Nic.. Its like everyday I am finding myself having the butterflies, the little looks on his face where I just want to capture it and relive it in my heart forever, the moments where I feel absolute and complete bliss, joy, love, IN love, and a heart that could never stop filling up. It has been absolutely marvelous.

Papa's Got A Brand New Bag

Ok, more like Kristin's got a brand new life. :)

And it is absolutely wonderful.

I feel like I fit into these "wife" shoes even more perfectly than I thought I was fitting into my "girlfriend" shoes and then the "fiancée" shoes. It is the most amazing feeling I think I have ever felt. It's only been like 35 days and I know we still are very much so in the "honeymoon" phase but call me crazy.. I think this thing we've got going here is what people should make movies about :) Haha. Cheeeeseball. But true. I know there will be times that get to be tough in the future but I know one thing for sure- my husband is amazing. :)

Already in this short period of time he has made me feel more loved and taken care of than I can ever remember feeling! He surprised me with an extended Honeymoon right after the wedding! He got the WHOLE week off of work rather than just a couple days like we had thought.. and then even set up an entire week in Vegas. Complete with lux hotel accommodations (suite at Caesar's Palace), limo pick up from the airport, 2 amazing shows and a Thanksgiving meal at the Eiffel Tower restaurant. Talk about celebrity treatment! That's what we had the whole time we were there.. He surprised me so much!! It was so much fun! He treats me like a Queen (although he calls me his princess :) haha) and I am soo undeserving. I just hope I can always return the favor and treat him like the King in our home :)

Its been so fun getting all settled into our home.. We were so blessed with some really amazing gifts. We have been blessed beyond measure with incredible family and friends!

On top of already amazing things going on- we got to continue our Honeymoon in New Zealand for about 2 weeks! It was originally gonna wind up being 6 days after some things getting switched around with flights and such- (we were flying standby through a family member and found out some of our days of travel were "blackout" days for staff travel) but nonetheless when we got there our Nana sat us down and was like, "Kids, I need to talk to you about something.. Not the birds and bees.. I feel like you should have that all worked out by now. *chuckle*" and she goes on to tell us she wants to purchase us tickets to stay an extra week! Sooo after much debate (not!) we joyfully agreed! We were so blessed through that entire trip! God is just so very good to us!

We did SO much! We got to travel much of the South Island in a borrowed car (BIG bonus of having a huge family from another country-- lots of free things for travel) and we got to visit a lot of family and friends that Nic hasn't seen since he moved to the states and likely won't see again for quite a while. It was just such a cool thing to get to see where he comes from and better understand all these places he tells me stories about... I got to see a big majority of the homes he grew up in... It was such an incredible trip! I got a bit addicted to Cadbury Crunchie bars while we were there.. it got to a point where I was eating 2 a day... Good thing I don't have a fat complex or anything! In all seriousness tho- I am not too worried about it. I was on vacation! My honeymoon!! I can get right back into my healthy eating/working out routine now that I am home :)

We got home (to the states) on the 18th and got to spend time with our Hansen side of the family- it was so good to get to see them all again. I have been so so so very blessed by marring into an incredible family! All of them. Not that my family isn't great--(I feel like I may have the BEST parents and siblings earthly possible, and also some pretty rad cousins and such..)-- but this new family of mine is wonderful. I just can't say it enough :)

We had such a blessed Christmas this year- we had hoped to get to go to Albuquerque this year to spend it with our Mullaney's but we just couldn't really swing it, financially or otherwise. So sad.. But there WILL be a next year and we are excited to get to have started some traditions of our own. Complete with a Christmas chandelier instead of a tree.. lol. Don't ask. Or maybe you should! It's a good story!

This should just about wrap it up for now.. Maybe I'll get a little better at keeping up with this now that I am not all consumed with getting married and such :)

Anticipation.

The biggest most exciting day of my life thus far is growing close and closer.. I am stuck between wanting it to be here already and wanting desperately for time to slow down! There is still so much to be done, so much to be thought of! But nonetheless- I am 46 days away from marrying the love of my life.

Needless to say, I am SO excited.

I get to become Mrs. Nicholas Less Hansen. How awesome is that?! Mrs. Kristin Hansen. It sounds so nice!! I am still practicing how I want my signature to look... I mean.. There are SO many options! Do I make a HUGE "H" and little everything else? Do I leave out my first and middle name altogether and have it plain and simple, K.R.Hansen? I guess I still have a bit of time to work it all out...

My mom and soon to be mom-in-law have been wedding planning powerhouses and this has definitely been a really good thing.. They're amazing! We are so blessed to have such wonderful moms. Nic and I are sorta in a "don't care" sort of mindset. We both just want simple and elegant and a breakfast buffet. Haha. That's it. Do we care how many seams you have to make in the tablecloths? Oooor how many strands of lights we need and how far they need to spaced out? Not really. We want to get married. And we'd like our friends and family to be there. Done. Haha! I'm sure it's got to be at least a little frustrating for them buut we're so lax about things that it kinda gives them a lot of free reign with details.. So I'm sure its got to be nice too for us to not be so particular that we get worked up about tiny things that don't actually matter..

I just wanna be his wife already :D

It's safe to say I am still needing some prayer and support for some lame-o self image issues. My awesome new "healthy" outlook was going suuuuper well until I went and had my final fitting on my dress... What a sad thing. The enemy has gotten so good at stealing my joy when it comes to the supposed to be exciting days leading up to this wedding. And the worst part is that I totally let it happen. Even slipping into my corset in the fitting room I was thinking- "Wow, I look so good and healthy. Look at how little I am! I can't wait to see what this dress looks like.." I felt India zip up the back and I turn around to see the final product staring back at me in the reflection.. Joy in my heart.. And them BAM! I saw that ridiculous 1/2 inch of skin that for some reason likes to hang over the back of my dress and around the bust area... "Back fat" and "arm pit fat" ruined my day. How stupid!! I tried very very hard to not let my disappointment show but I know for sure my lack of happiness was apparent.. Augh. I broke down when I got home and cried like a freakin' baby. Better yet- I won't be trying my dress back on til November cause it's already been sent to Cali so I don't have to try to carry it onto the airplane when I go.. Of course, now, looking back I see that it seriously is NOTHING to worry about. I look great in my dress, it fits like a dream, I look SKINNY in it and I could basically show up in a sack cloth and Nic would still think I was beautiful. I don't want the stupid lies in my head about not being good enough to ruin my day! I will NOT let that happen. I am beautiful.

Say it again, Kristin. I. Am. Beautiful.

Yup. I get closer every day to believing it.