Just your average, run of the mill, Mom story.

I'd like to paint a picture for you. 

It's a Thursday night. We've been indoors all day because of arctic temperatures outside that I'm simply not willing to endure. Nic is working late. It's just after dinner time and the house is a wreck. 

I take a look around the dirty house and think, bathtime. Bathtime will flow perfectly into bedtime, which will flow into mommy clean up time, which can then smoothly transition to relax time, maybe work out, watch a movie, wait for my honey. 

What. A. Perfect. Plan.

I get Charlotte cleaned up while Hudson is climbing all over me begging to get in, and "helping" with the whole bathing an infant process. I don't typically do their baths separately but decided it would be a little easier to manage since I was home alone and could use the time that Hud bathed alone to get Charlotte ready for bed. I had it all mapped out in my head, so his pleas for diving in were met with calm responses like, "No, my honey. Let's be patient, alright? First we will wash baby and then you can get in with your cars and toys. Aren't you excited to get a bath all by yourself?! You're such a big boy!"

Anyways, I make the transition of moving the big kid in and taking my tiny one out. I start to fill up the tub with more warm water, wrap Lottie in her pink owl towel and carry her off to get diapered and dressed while she coos and kicks like a dream. I hear some unusual sounds coming from the bathroom so I call out, "Huuudson, what are you doing buddy!? I need you to stop that, alright. Momma's coming. I'll be right there." I snap up Charlotte's pjs in record time, get her in a safe spot surrounded by her toys and rush to the bathroom where my suspicions were confirmed. Hudson had been filling cup after cup of water from the spout and dumping it straight to the floor.

Awesome.

I scold him briefly and let him know that is not okay, accidental splashes are alright but purposefully pouring water out is not allowed. "It could be dangerous, okay bud?" Shut off the water, give a few more toys, and rudely try to mop up some of the water. 

"That's okay, not a big deal. That won't take but a couple minutes to clean up later. Gotta keep getting Charlotte ready for bed." 

I head back to the living room where my angel is sitting there playing with her feet, chewing on her hand and looking up at me like dinner had just arrived. 

We settle in on the couch for a pre-bedtime nursing sesh, all while, of course, keeping an ear out for my toddler in the other room, splishin and splashin and racing his cars. 

And then. Maybe not even 3 minutes later.

Chaos strikes.

Hudson starts calling for me, not in a normal playful sort of manner, in his hurt sounding voice. I'm thinking he must have his fingers caught in something or.. Who knows. Doesn't matter. I can't just sit here. 

I pull the sleepy baby off of me and lay her down amongst her toys once more- she of course, is not too happy about this.. So she starts yelling but I can't delay, I kiss her lil head, tell her I'm sorry- I must get to Hud who is now screaming at the top of his lungs. I come around the corner to him standing in the tub (always a no-no) rubbing his eyes and crying. My eyes immediately go straight to a floating bar of soap and I know what's happened. 

I turn the water on and start using my hand to cup the water and splash it in his face to flush his eyes out. This kid already hates having water poured on his head, when it comes to bathtime and washing his hair, but now that there's soap in his eyes? I've just become his worst enemy. Even more than the soap in his eyes, apparently, because he keeps pushing me away, rubbing harder and harder, to the point that there's now a thick lather going on from his hairline to his cheek bones. 

Alright, kid. What the heck. 

Now I'm starting to get a little frantic: I'm  thinking he's going to go blind if I don't get this dang soap out of his eyes, he needs to not be flailing while standing in the bathtub and oh by the way, my baby is still crying in the other room and from the sounds of that thud just rolled herself onto or knocked herself into something and I need to rescue her stat. Leaving me no other real choice, I grab the cup he'd earlier been using to dump wate out of the tub with and start to dump water down his face and hands to get rid of what has to be THE foamiest soap I have ever dealt with. 4, 5, 6 huge cups full of water and it finally rinses clean, but he's still screaming at the top of his lungs.

I pull him out of the tub, onto the soaked bathrug, wrap him in his towel and dry his face off. "Are you alright, bud? Are your eyes still burning? No?? Okay, I gotta go get your sister." I sit him down on the toilet seat and run out.

Or shall I say, slip and slide out. 

Wet feet, meet dry floor. Oh, you two don't work well together? That's too bad. Crash, bang, boom. Mom's out for the count. 

Awesome.

But wait, my baby is still crying. Gotta get  up, gotta go get her!! I stumble into the living room and scoop her up with my now throbbing wrist and try to console her poor little hot body, with BRIGHT red face- the girl screamed herself into quite a fit of rage. And yet, not a second after I have her in my arms, she starts giggling. Why? Cause Hudson just struted out of the bathroom. 

And apparently shark towels are hilarious.

Woosah.  

Today.

Today has been a lot of things. 

Easy, unfortunately, has not been one of them. 

It's been a cross between frustration from potty training struggles and toddler rearing, insane sleep deprivation from infant care, and absolute heartache because my babies... They're growing up so fast. It's so cliché but it's becoming more and more real to me with every passing day.

It first struck me when Charlotte woke from her first nap this morning. We had the Businelle boys over for some playtime and I could hear her stirring, so I got the boys all distracted in the living room and I walked into the kid's room to find her laying in her crib giggling and grinning from ear to ear like she'd been excitedly awaiting my arrival. I picked her up and she immediately grabbed my face, and hugged it, slobbering all over.. My heart broke, just a teensy bit. This little girl, this joyful little being isn't a newborn anymore! She's nearly reached her 1/2 year mark and I am still trying to desperately cling to her little bitty baby moments. She's well on her way to mobility, sitting up, gets herself onto all fours, rolls across our living room, and scoots to get to what she wants.. I found myself tearing up as I walked her into our bedroom and stood in front of the mirror with her while she smiled back at herself.

These precious moments are but a blink. And then they're gone. It's unbelievable. It's wonderful. Devastatingly wonderful.

Then the rest of the day happened and I found myself totally and utterly frustrated, and unhappy. It's pathetic how quickly everything can take a turn for the worse. 

I fail, so miserably, every day. And my children get to witness it firsthand. Day in and day out, I get it all so wrong. Every night almost always ends with me vowing that tomorrow, somehow, I'll get it all right. Tomorrow, somehow, will be better. I'll be that perfect mom. I'll be that perfect wife. I'll be perfect. 

I found myself sitting next to Hudson tonight as he struggled to get to sleep, holding his hand, patting his chest, silently just staring at his sweet face. He's  two. Two whole years of this wonderful little man in my life and I still manage to forget to tell him how amazing he is. I went in upset with him, because he didn't nap today and was fighting sleep so heavily tonight I couldn't hardly stand it anymore. I wanted to snap at him, tell him he was being naughty and that he needed to close his eyes and go. to. sleep. But I took one look at his sweet little face, eyes swollen from exhaustion, full of tears, and my heart broke. He's only two. He's just as frustrated as I. Sleep isn't coming easy and it's painful. He needs me. Plain and simple. 

I turned on his little Dino glow light, and sat down next to his bed. Simmering down from my frustrated state to try and help him also calm down. I patted his chest, let out a sigh, and he followed suit. 

We just sat. I stared at him. He stared at the lights on the ceiling.

We have my old iPod hooked up to a little speaker set in their room to play worship music while they sleep, sometimes all day long.. Quite frankly, it's more for my sake than theirs.  But tonight, while I sat in there with him a  song came on that just broke me.. I cried. I couldn't help it. 

{Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me

Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father, You are King over the flood

I will be still, know You are God

Find rest, my soul

In Christ alone

Know His power 

In quietness and trust 

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father, You are King over the flood

I will be still, know You are God}

Ah, Hillsong, you've done it again. Worded something beautifully and melodically. Something my heart can cling to and sing along to even when my mouth cannot utter a word. Why does it take a worship song to remind me that I can't do it on my own?! How many times am I gonna have to tell myself that before it gets through this thick skull?

Not by MY power or strength or drive. No, beloved, in Christ alone. 

Today has been a tough one. But it is not the whole story. 

Today, I failed. A lot. But it is not who I am.

Today broke my heart. But it is not the end of my story.

Find rest, my soul, in Christ alone. 

New Year Ramblings

I've realized I tend to talk about a lot of nonsense. 

I always think about these really deep issues, or thoughts, or subjects to dive into.. But by the time I sit down to actually get anything written I have a "derrrrrrr" sort of moment and just wind up filling you in on the Hansen family happenings. 

Which is mostly my way of jogging my own memory so I don't forget everything, all the time. 

Bear with me..

We had a pretty amazing end of 2013 and start to 2014. Wonderfully busy, like we tend to do.

Nic and I celebrated our 3rd year of marriage. Kind of hard to believe it has only been 3 years! Ha. I mean that in a good way, of course. It feels like we have been through and walked through so many things together... It just seems unreal that it has all taken place in such a short amount of time! If this is what we have already seen in 3 years, I am so excited to see what the next 50 look like! We had a lovely night at home with some ordered in sushi and homemade pav's. In case you didn't know, we actually served pavlova at our wedding instead of traditional cake. We didn't save the top tier or anything like that, because frankly, pavlova is too delicious to even THINK of not eating it in its entirety from the moment it leaves the oven. It's true. Don't believe me? You should try it. Nic bought me some amazing new shoes (that I only just became brave enough to try out in public) and I surprised him with a special wedding album! We do pretty well when it comes to surprising each other. 

Thanksgiving brought some visitors to our little corner of Manhattan, with lots of fun moments. Early morning rushing around for the Macy's parade, forgotten important details (ahem, like plugging in the crock pot over night.. And charging the air mattress  blower ahead of time..Guilty on both counts) lots of good food with lovely people, city sight seeing, game nights and plenty of laughs to go around. 

{Lottie Love's first Times Square Experience... She was unimpressed..

True New Yorker, I tell ya ;) }

Then came December! We did lots of online Christmas shopping, some potty training and travel like you wouldn't believe. Lottie had her first airplane ride and it went much better than anticipated. There were some still tears shed but nothing that couldn't be solved with a little bouncing and walking around in the back of the airplane. And in his true form, Hudson took to having his first trip with his own guaranteed seat (that we had to cough up full fare for each time.. Ouch.) like a pro. Sat in his seat, watched Cars or practiced his alphabet and puzzle games on the iPad, sipped on some apple juice, colored, played with Hot Wheels on the tray table.. You'd think he'd been born to do this sort of thing! 

First stop was Oklahoma where we got to see Dallas dwelling newlyweds Mark and Laura, and Kenny for a fun day of pre-Christmas festivities including go kart racing and playground time. We "endured" a week of hotel living with two young babes while Nic worked a busy week of meetings and Christmas parties. Room service, movies on demand and maids every day? I can't complain. 

Then came the treck to Albuquerque, what is usually about a 6.5 hour drive turned into a 13 hour fight against Mother Nature. Luckily, we'd rented a Tahoe. So we had the upper hand. But we started the morning off with about an inch and a half of solid ice covering the roads, foliage, street signs, Starbucks.. everything. Thankfully Nic had thought ahead and parked in a garage the night before so we didn't start off needing a chisel and a hammer to get ourselves into the truck! We inched our way out of Oklahoma into the panhandle, where we briefly stopped in Amarillo to see an old friend from our time in Kansas City.

We'd met him at his work and it started to snow so we set back out to head into New Mexico all the while trying to plan a spot to meet up with my cousin who was making her way from California to Texas with her hubby. Which we did, after picking up a stranded young couple and their baby who was not much younger than Charlotte! I am so thankful God was able to use us to get that little family to safety. I can't imagine being stranded in freezing cold weather with young babes. We were the only people to stop in over 2 hours of them being stopped on the side of the road! After getting them squared away we found a funny little truck stop that had an antique car museum inside to meet Michelle (Faye!) and her honey, Noah! I wish the visit could have lasted longer, I mean MUCH longer, but it was so so great to see them nonetheless. I am related to easily some of the most outstanding people on the planet. You can quote me on that one. 

{happy family}

We finally arrived in Albuquerque where we kicked off the 2 weeks with a big scare (thanks a lot Kenny ;) ), a surprise drop in from the newlyweds, and the first family photo NOT taken at a wedding in years. Ha! We had a few days with the whole family all together (all 13 of us!), complete with the most magnificent rendition of O Holy Night to ever hit Albuquerque, a train set to bond 3 generations of males (Pops, bros, Nic and Hud), grandparent babysitting, Gravity Park, epic Secret Santa and stocking gifting, annnd eating. There's always lots of eating. 

After Mark, Laura and Kenny made their way back to Dallas, the rest of us ventured up to Taos for some long-awaited slope adventures and overnight trip. I hadn't been on my board in 4+ years, Matt and Bri were about the same, and Nic had never touched skis... After some gentle coaching from Kev, and a bit of patience from all parties we all made it down and got our bearings reigned in for a really fun day! My parents were kind enough to hang around at the hotel with the kiddies so we could venture out on our own. Turns out the magic mixture to calming Charlotte down is dancing and bouncing around in the front seat with Pops to really loud 1970's rock.. That's my girl. Here's to hoping it doesn't take another 4 years to get me back on the slopes!! 

{hott hubby}

{Meryl and Matt}

{Our guide, our mentor, the man behind the madness- Kevin}

{"Kristin must be feeling really cute, she's taking so many pictures."}

The rest of the trip included, but was not limited to; Cards Against Humanity, an obscene amount of boxed wine, Mexican ribs, the pungent smell of pipe tobacco, wood fired pizza, guns, visits with old friends, ice skating, target practice, playground time, car seat anxiety, car borrowing, coffee, unnecessary break downs in communication, family time, sibling time, movie time, unsupervised Redbull consumption by a minor, hiking, discussions, wiener dog wrangling, UFC fights, RONDAAAA, buffalo chicken, New Years Eve sans babies, grandparent bonding, aunt and uncle bonding, brunching annnnnd eating. There's always lots of eating. ;) 

 {yeeeah.. Self timer app on my phone.. Great concept, not so great quality. Oh well!}

{these kids were spoiled by all their aunties and uncles!!}

{reunited with my sweet Jess and her wonderful little family}

{Ba-nana and her Lottie girl}

{Pops with his Hud the Stud}

{brunchity-brunch-brunch.}

Suffice to say, I really love my family. I have some amazing brothers and they picked out some really wonderful sisters for me. (Take your time, Kenny. There's no rush!!) You don't realize it much growing up but your years all spent together, living under one roof, really are priceless. We'd never make it out alive if we tried to do it now, of course, but it is really nice when we all get back together. 

I am so thankful to have been able to go for so long and be with my family! It was so great to see my children getting to spend time with my parents and siblings.. They're just such precious moments that we can never get back. So I am thankful for that. Can't wait for the next big Mullaney family get together. Maybe by then one of my bro's will have finally hopped on the baby bandwagon and have made me an auntie!! A girl can dream, right?

Anyways, just as we had left NYC in a blizzard we tried to return in a blizzard.. I don't know what we were thinking. Travel on the East Coast this time of year is just crazy.. We made it home around 4am on the 4th and have since made efforts to adjust back to our routines and life. 

I think that should be all for now. Much love, and God bless!