God has an incredible sense of humor...

... I mean- you obsess and stress about losing weight and finally getting back to a place where you're comfortable in your own skin, especially for your wedding day and then ya go and get yourself knocked up! I just find it funny! Truly. No cynicism, I know its all the Lord's doing and I know He's gotta be teaching me some sort of lesson here. While at the same time giving me the most precious gift imaginable.

I can't be the first first-time prego to step on a scale in utter disbelief of the number that lies before her... I just know I can't be. I literally cringe every time I walk past that scale, muchless remind myself that its my duty to keep track of how quickly that number grows. As I have come to accept more and more that skinny is not "in" when growing a baby in your belly- I still find it hard to not be a little bit pleased with myself when the number hasn't changed in a few days. Nonetheless, I know it is absolutely imperative that I gain an ample amount of weight to support my growing son and to support my body for the "big push" that looms in the not too distant future.

It amazes me that being pregnant just quickly removes all need for being "skinny." That truly, a scrawny, bony looking momma is not really a healthy one.

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means using this as an excuse to stuff my face with tons of junk food, but I have certainly given up my strive for "skinny."

I reached my "goal" that I stressed and worried about a blissful 4 weeks before my wedding and was soooo happy to weigh in 2lbs even less than that in time for my nuptials. I loved it! Was finally confident in everything I wore, no longer loathed the person staring back at me.. it was great! For about a month. Lo' and behold and a short 4 weeks later, 2 honeymoons under our belts, and finally married- I was about 4 lbs heavier. No biggie, right? Just get back into my running and eating like a champ regimen. Only.. it was too late. There was already a wee lil man growing in my belly. And he was not willing to give up extra sleep time for a run, he liked the idea of morning sickness and nausea rather than healthy eating. It's funny, ya know? And now, here I am a day away from being 21 weeks pregnant and a healthy 13 lbs heavier. I just find it so ironic that I finally reached that far off distant goal of being the skinny lil lady I longed to be and then SURPRRIIIIISE - there's a baby thats gonna stretch your belly and make you gain 25-25 lbs over the next 9 months! Haha.

Time to suck it up and start to love the look of my more-so "rounded" shape. The skinny me will be back in no-time, right? Just a good blend of breastfeeding, mommy exercise, and the staple for any fail-proof get-skinny plan, a healthy but reasonable (treats allowed, duh) diet.

Lord, give me the grace and confidence to believe this, see it through and NOT be overwhelmed by the number I see on the scale. Amen.

In other prego news, I thought people were kidding when they said their minds sorta get jumbled when they're pregnant. I thought for sure, it had to just be an excuse for the usually always forgetful people to somehow blame their downfalls on their unborn child.

Well, I for one, have never claimed to be the most well put together person in the world. Nor have I ever claimed to be the best organized, clear-minded, or anything of the sort. I know I am sometimes clumsy, forgetful and just plain stupid. (I'm only human, right?!) But this, THIS is a whole new level of duuuurrrrrrrr...... I have truly never felt this out of it in my life. Simple little things at work were my first clues.. Like forgetting to let the proper people know that their packages had arrived and spacing on the phone extension for people that I call on a daily basis. It't been a bit frightening just how much my brain has turned to mush.. But last night.. Last night was the epiphany of pregnancy brain..

Nic and I started watching a movie after he got home from rugby practice and of course, I fell asleep on his shoulder. Sometime around midnight when the movie was nearly over, I woke up and decided to get ready for bed. I took out my contacts and brushed my teeth. The usual. However, this morning when I was getting ready I could not find my contacts in their usual place. I was baffled and to be honest a little bit frustrated. I could not understand what happened to them! I wracking my brain, trying to think of all the possibilities.. Maybe Nic had placed them somewhere, maybe Banjo somehow got up on the counter and made the case her new toy.. I just knew it could not have been my doing. I always put the case in the same place! So I had to deal with wearing glasses to work today.

After returning home from work this afternoon, still curious about the wherabouts of my contacts, my hubby swooped in to save the day. He found them within a few short minutes of my asking him to help me find them. Where did they turn up, you ask? In the cabinet, UNDER the counter in our bathroom. Better yet, inside the medicine tub that I had out last night in a late-night Tums raid.

I rest my case. Pregnancy brain is not a joke. Pregnancy brain is a real thing and it can affect any one of us pregos. And once again, God has a a wonderful sense of humor.

There's a new man in my life....

And his name is Hudson Lee..

He's approx 7 inches long, weighs about 11 oz and is the apple of my eye. You can only see him through a sonogram, but I already know he is absolutely perfect. We counted 10 toes and 10 fingers, 2 legs and 2 arms, one precious little belly and one very impressive noggin. He still has a LOT of growing to do, which I am totally okay with. He needs to grow big and strong so his momma can squeeze him tight!

When I finally get to see him, I will most probably be crying, not because I am sad or scared or even cause I'm in pain- no, no, no- I will be crying tears of joy. For now I can only imagine what it will be like to spend time with him, to play with him, to hold him. Oh to hold my precious baby boy.. I absolutely cannot wait.

Well, of course I can wait. I just don't necessarily want to. I know I need to- in fact, he needs me to! I really hope this 2nd half goes by as quickly as the 1st. Right now, more than anything, he needs me to eat well, stay active, remain as stress-free as possible and buy him LOTS and LOTS of presents.

Oh to get to rock him in my arms and sing him lullabys. To watch as he peacefully sleeps while his dad plays guitar and sings to him. To rest on the couch with him sleeping on my chest, just listening to his breathing. That first time he grips on to my finger, I can assure you I will just melt right then and there. To see him smile at his daddy when he hears his voice. The first time he laughs cause his dad makes a funny face, I can promise you, I will be nearby, an overjoyed mess. And yes, even the late night feedings, the sleepy fits, the sound of his cry- all these things I will hold dear to my heart because I know how quickly they will all vanish and we will move on to the next phases of life.

We are eagerly awaiting his arrival, this precious gift from God. We are eagerly awaiting the day when we can see his sweet face and kiss his fantastic baby-scented skin. :)

If there were one thing that is for certain, it's this- this little man, this perfect gift- has already stolen our hearts.

LOVE

Incredibly creative title, I know.

First of all, it simply must be said.. I love being pregnant. I know, I know. It could sound really strange.. and while there are a few aspects that totally freak me out but all in all I could not be more thrilled.

I love feeling the baby move.

I love listening to the heartbeat.

I love the feeling of awe every time a bigger movement happens.

I love getting to read up about all the growth my baby is going through.

I love getting to share this most amazing gift with my wonderful hubby, Nic :)

I just LOVE being a preggo.

I love my wonderful husband- with all of my heart. He is my world. He treats me like royalty, he puts up with my crazy, and he doesn't even realize how much of a blessing he is to me. I am so incredibly blessed by this man that my Heavenly Father designed for me. We have so much fun together and we just click- in all of the places I am weak and neurotic, he is strong and steadfast! I just love it!! I love HIM!!

I love listening to rain fall outside... and not just sometimes, I mean ALL the time. Some people get sick of rain, or hate having it around all the time. I just LOVE it! Being in the Midwest puts us right down "tornado alley" and we have thunderstorms nearly all year round.. and its absolutely wonderful. To me, its a little reminder of how much the Lord loves us, He loves to cleanse us, wash us, make us clean and pure before Him. Yep.. there is something about the rain that will never cease to amaze me.

I love baking, and cooking, and cleaning and organizing and all things that are typical "50's housewife." It's true. I desperately would love to get to be a housewife that has things in perfect order and almost always has something fresh baked from the oven to snack on.. Alongside somehow continuing with this lifelong dream of being a musician.. I am not sure how I can make it all work, but I believe that with a lil' help and guidance from my Heavenly Father all these things can be in my reach.

I love my family.

I love that I have a HUGE family- and that they are not only in one place but literally around the world. From aunts and uncles and cousins and a nana in New Zealand, to brothers and sisters and mum and dad in Cali, even an aunt and uncle in Spain, and with most of my Mullaney family all in Texas.. As a matter of fact I am pretty sure a solid 90% live in that glorious state :)

I love road trips.

I love my Christmas kitten.

I love my friends- I am SO blessed to have such incredible people to call friends.. God has blessed me immensely!

I love getting to see new places.

I love playing my piano and worshiping my Jesus.

I love playing music with my hubby- among all the other wonderful ways we "click" music is certainly among the very top. There is something just so fantastic about that moment when we finish a song, or even just worship together.. It's amazing.

I love taking long walks.

I love going for a run in nice weather.

I love sleeping in.

I love traveling.

I love to love.

I love hugs.

I love Jesus with all of my heart. I am deeply in love with this man named Jesus and I do my best to live my life worthy of the calling that my Lord has placed on it. I know I am so unworthy of His love for me and this is something that humbles me daily. I believe in a man that died on a cross to cover my sins, and I believe that this man is the soon and coming King.

I believe that is good for now.. lots of things to love :)

Faithful and True.

I have learned a few different lessons this week.

1) Cramping during pregnancy is not for the faint of heart.

2) God truly is faithful in the little things- you simply have to open your eyes to see.

3) Friends are a funny thing to juggle.

4) Girls are just as mean in "grown up-land" as they were in high school.

Where to go with all of these lessons? I really don't know. They've just been in the back of my mind this week- and that last one was learned today, so its nice and fresh.

I have had heaps on my mind recently. I don't know if it's the onslaught of preggo hormones that are suddenly turning me into a deep thinker or if it's just the incredible landslide of crazy that has been these past few weeks. It must be a combination of the two.. That's what I think.

One of the things that I just can't seem to get out of my mind is just how different my life would be right now had I not listened to the Lord's call 2 years ago to move to Kansas City... It's quite shocking really. I mean- just think! Had I simply continued down the road I was on, I never would have had the courage to take any time off from UNM, which would have put me at graduating from college with a bachelors degree this May. Sure, I probably would have still lost my job at Saxbys, but I would have been much quicker to find a replacement job since a big move wouldn't have been in my foreseeable future. I wouldn't have started truly cultivating a relationship with my Heavenly Father, my Savior and King. I would still be stuck in the lukewarm, complacent place I was in when I was in Albuquerque. I never would have met the love of my life, my now husband, and the father of my wee little baby that is growing in my belly. I never would have never probably gotten hooked into the House of Prayer- the "prayer movement" so they call it. Mind you, I am not spending nearly as many hours in the prayer room as I was when I was a student at IHOPU, but still, the hunger for the Word, and for spending time with my Jesus is never quite quenched. Its amazing to think about the person I would be if I would have stayed. OH! And I never would have found our lil' rescue kitty, Banjo! She's ridiculous- but she wouldn't truly be a Hansen if she wasn't at least a little crazy.

Thank you, Jesus for lighting the fire under my butt to get out of Albuquerque. Haha! Sounds funny but I SO mean it :)

Ahhh- one of my favorites- listening to the prayer room archives. Ms Laura Hackett is leading and singing the classic...

"Great is Thy faithfulness!Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me"

How fitting.

And so, I end with this, I really don't have much else to say-- God is so good, and I love my wonderful husband..

Tales of a Fourth Month Nothing

I am officially 16 weeks preggo today and have not much more to show for it than a "full" looking tummy. You know, that bloated look you get when you had about 12 too many bites at a restaurant? Yep! That's me! All knocked up and nothing to show for it!

I say that like its a bad thing- most people are desperate to cling to their last piece of "normal" clothing and look to the maternity section with disdain. Me however, I scour the internet at any given chance to see where I can buy cutsie preggo clothes in bulk. I simply can not wait! Can you tell? I just want to have a bump that says, theres a baby in here-- not just food. A bump that says, Hello- I am with child, would you like to pour me a glass of lemonade? Haha.Nothing more, nothing less.

I don't know why I am complaining about it, really. I am sure when this baby bump arrives I will be just as quick to change my mind and wish for a thinner me, a less uncomfortable me, a less oh-ow me. Or maybe not. I just think this whole maternal thing is growing on me. In a way, I feel like having something to show will not only make it more real- but give me some assurance that everything is going just perfectly :)

In other recent news, one of my life-long besties, Jessica, just found out that she is having identical twins!! Amazing, right?! Such an awesome blessing! To make things even more wonderful- we have the exact same due date. September 8- the big day with the even bigger countdown! Once again, God the Almighty Orchestrator must have really thought this one through. My life has always seemed to take a path much like Jess' just a couple steps behind, (seeing that she is a few years my senior), and now, here we are, walking down the same road together. Well-- at least very similar- I'm sure she's gonna have double of everything to deal with. Lord, help her. I just can't be more thrilled about everything that has been going on!

I have been keeping busy at work and fitting in just the right amounts of play time and rest time when I am not there. I seem to have found my place at work, part confidant, part bringer-of-the-good-recipes, part problem solver, and oh, part what-I-get-paid-to-do. Haha! The girls at work are really great and it's been fun getting to know them all. It will be sad to leave when its time for me to become a full time momma- but until then, I will certainly soak up all the social time the Lord will allow me!

Selfish, pety thoughts aside- everything has just been wonderful- we really do serve a faithful God.

Stay tuned for more news on my ever slowly growing bellly....

Like Sunlight Burning At Midnight--

Life always had this way of taking things you thought were wonderful and turning them into something extraordinary.

Life has a way of picking you up, turning things around and giving you the chance to make a run for it or take it all in stride.

Life also has this way of taking your plans, crumpling them up and tossing them into the trash bin without consulting you first.

NONE of these things are, in any way, bad. It all depends on your perspective, of course. I choose to believe that God is the ultimate composer- the ever talented artist- the everyday hero that comes in on a day-to-day basis and simply tweaks things that we never would have expected- but all for our better good. Sometimes we're able to see it and instantly meet Him with a grateful heart and sometimes we're a little more hesitant to accept the change. You see, we had a curve ball tossed our way a mere 2 months ago. One we never would have planned for in this moment in time, one we actually frequently spoke of as being far off in the distant future, something we could see ourselves getting into in 3-5 years- a wonderful thought- just not for right now.

Clearly, the Lord hated that plan and wanted to do only what He knows how to do best. Rearrange.

I say this all with a light heart, mind you. I feel like I may be sounding down-and-out or even a bit on the spiteful side, but I assure you, what I am about to say brings me immense joy! I am overwhelmed with gladness and most times cannot find the words to say beyond- "Thank you Jesus!"

Nic and I have a wonderful new addition on his/her way come early fall and we are ecstatic! Officially what can be deemed a "Honeymoon baby." The thought that this time next year I will have a wee little one is amazing! No! Extraordinary.

We found out in a fairly usual way- I miss that time of the month and took a test. First one came back negative- second came back with a little tiny pink plus sign. A doodle that can't be undid, home skillet. So we did what any other normal couple would do- we combed the internet for a low/no cost clinic that would help us out (since insurance was out of the picture) At this time I was still pretty uncertain about what could be going on- you see, the test that came back positive had this super lame disclaimer that states "If you have ever had ovarian cysts or any issue with PCOS you may show a false positive." Ha. BOTH are things the Lord has healed me of, and BOTH are things that would cause me to miss a period. So-- we figured the best bet would be to skip on spending another $10 on an at home test and let the doc's do what they know how to do best. Bring us some news. And boy, did they ever.

Its amazing how the Lord perfectly orchestrates even the TINIEST of happenings- I wanted an ultrasound like NO other because that in my mind would be the ONLY way to clear things up-- cyst or baby? I have this need to just always see things for myself. I need verification, on every level, all the time. It's just one of those "things" about me. Everywhere we called didn't seem to want to give an ultrasound on a first visit so we finally gave up the hope for that and gave in to just getting a blood test. We show up and lo' and behold- they're incredibly busy so the only room the can squeeze us into is, duh duhn duuuuuuhhhnn---- the ultrasound room! After discussing the situation the midwife looks at me and said- welp- how about we clear things up real quick? I'll give you an ultrasound! Nic and I were ecstatic and I couldn't hardly even blurt out, "Yes, please" quick enough.

And there it was.

A little tiny blob on the screen- with its very own heartbeat. You could actually physically see the babies heart beating. Completely separate from mine. Nothing in this world could be more surreal that the very instant you find out you are having a baby... Your first baby. A surprise baby! A baby that by no means was planned or expected by us-- but had clearly been in the plans since the Lord brought us together. A flood of emotions hit me. It was like a tidal wave- I am a mom. We are parents! Look at it! Right there! Starin right back at me!! Its got your soft wavy lines, babe!

I would be lying if I said all I was feeling were happy thoughts- I was terrified, to put it simply. In fact I was so caught up in the moment of not knowing what the heck to think the very first words I was able to get out of my mouth were selfish ones-- "Aw man-- this means I'm gonna be FAT at Kevin and Meryl's wedding!!" Haha- so stupid. But what I was thinking nonetheless. A lil' different than Nic's first thought to ask if it was a boy or not- haha. Suffice to say- we were shocked. And emotional.

We almost immediately called our parents to share the news- and all and any fear, shame, worry, and negative thoughts went flying out the window. Getting to share the news with our family came with lots and lots of excitement. This is officially the first grandbaby on both the Mullaney side AND Hansen side. To say that this baby is going to be spoiled and loved on like crazy is an understatement. :)

Our brothers are already fighting over who will be the "Cool Uncle" and our sisters are already debating who gets to be the first babysitter. The dad's have already decided what they want the baby to call them. And the mom's are ever-so-diplomatically deciding who gets to hold the baby at Kevin and Meryl's wedding. Its a beautiful thing.

So- unlike our plans which often are greatly flawed and selfish- God takes things into HIS hands and turns them into marvelous works of art.

And we could not be more excited.

So- mark it on your calendars- write it out like a song-- September 8 is the big day. Nic and Kristin Hansen are on the road to parenthood.

And this has been my Monday night....

It's amazing what sorts of people seem to fade in and out your life- one day you feel like you can't live a moment without them and the next you find yourself realizing its been 6 MONTHS since you spoke to them and you now know little to none about their exsistence. And you're either totally okay with that-- or like me, it absolutely breaks you heart.

I am the type of girl that loves and loves quickly and typically loves for forever. Even when people hurt me I can't really find it in me to ever really "let it go." I have this undying need to "fix" it and hopefully still be friends and ultimately my love for that person never goes away- I will always wish them well and hope for the best no matter what the future friendship looks like. I, too tho, am not dumb. I do have the ability to realize when a friendship is otherwise toxic and in turn it is much easier to "let go" of then if that person was a good, genuine friend. Nonetheless- I am still nowhere close to ever being able to stop caring for them- no matter how much they crushed my heart or trampled my spirt.

Why is that? I have no idea.

This Monday evening I have had the joy of Skyping with a dear friend of mine that I have known since I was a freshman in highschool- and now here I am married- nearly 8 years later and we can just sit and hang out talking about the most random thing that pops up in our minds. Its amazing! Sure- we have had our "ups" and "downs" and the occasional season of being too busy to even think about having a conversation- yet our friendship remains.

They always say that if at the end of a man's life he has one or two close friends then he is considered a RICH man.

I feel blessed. And I know that I really am. I truly have been blessed with some incredible friends. Not only friends but an amazing family. Each and every single one of my brothers and sisters hold a VERY special place in my heart and my parents are all fantastic at the very least. And yet sometimes in my own self-pity I forget to see past my pettiness. I forget to see past the fact that I am not surrounded with tons of friends like some sort of social butterfly. It's like I yearn for this ridiculous scene from high school where everyone around me is a friendly face and everyone around me wants to hang out Friday night.

I feel like I am finally learning that being some sort of socialite is NO where near as full-filling as having a few close friends and an even closer family.

I am rich, indeed.