Sunflowers.

I have a lovely bunch of sunflowers sitting on the window sill that just make me smile. They were a gift from my wonderful friends at work for my 22nd birthday a little over a week ago..they're starting to lose their petals and have lost the upright position they were once in and I just can't bring myself to throw them out. I just love them. My friends. Well, and the flowers of course.. But what I mean to say- is that it truly is a wonderful little sentiment. A little reminder that even in these short 8 months of working at the office I have made some of the sweetest, most real friends- I ever had truly come to love the little core group of girls there. Wanna know the best part about it?

Not a single one of them is fake. Not a single one of them has ever tried to put on some sort of facade to be anyone but themselves to me. Every one of them has always been 100% real with me and I find that so refreshing. None of them try to pretend that they are anything that they are not.. and so of course that leads to a few bumping of heads, a few "let's learn how to say that without an f' bomb," and a few times of me leaving the conversation for complete lack of anything to contribute or just being left speechless. They don't censor who they are.. and I don't censor who I am. They all get an earful about my baby boy & husband, about Jesus, my random church stories and walk with God... And I get an earful of their drinking stories, nights out, life stories, dating lives, etc. It's pretty hilarious but it goes to prove that you don't have to be the same as someone else to get along, be friends and ultimately really care for one another. Chances are, they'd be the first to stand up for me if my character ever came into question, and I know I'd do the same for them. I see them all for who they really are and the amount of partying, dating, sleeping around, or whatever that they do doesn't define them.. It's just what they do. They're wonderful, beautiful, sweet girls and I love each and every one of them. It is going to be sad when I have to leave them.. I will really miss getting to see all of them every day. Friends can fit in to a mommy's lifestyle and I intend to make sure that happens because I know that what the Lord has for me is really, really, great.. And I don't plan on giving it up for anything. Stay at home mum, here I come.

I cannot believe that somewhere around 6 weeks from now I will have a little guy in my arms. It is so crazy to realize that this is the homestretch.. I mean, really. We're in for it. My life is about to change radically.. and I have no idea what to expect. But I do know that I am endlessly excited.

You are bringing forth a song from my heart..

I am blessed. I know this every morning when I roll over and see my handsome husband sleeping peacefully, when I feel my dear baby boy kick, when I even for a moment think about anything my Lord has done for me. For us.

I have a soon coming "last day" of work and believe me, I am counting down like no one's business. My wonderful hubby always tells me, "You should just quit today!Come home and rest. I won't mind." And I won't lie.. It is very tempting. But I know that it would only take about two weeks for me to get sick of it. I will have obsessively cleaned the house 10x over, reorganized anything possible and cooked random extravagant meals that I don't typically have time or energy to do since I work full-time and still I'd feel like something was missing. I know exactly what it is, too... I'm not just meant to be a housewife. I'm meant to be a stay at home mum. I can't wait for this little man to make his way from my belly to our arms... 8 weeks or so and I'll get to show him off.

The Lord has done some amazing things in our lives and hearts and is continuing to do so daily. It's amazing how much softer I have become.. I've always been a fairly "soft hearted" person, easily moved, a cryer (ok a weeper...) when I encounter things in life that are sad, hurtful or even inspirational. But I have definitely moved from just a soft-heart person to absolute mush.. And I can only imagine it will become more-so when Hudson makes his debut.

When we first found that we were pregnant I panicked. I got selfish real quick. I couldn't believe our "plan" had crumbled so quickly! I was terrified more than anything... And even now, not even the full 9 months later, I am so ashamed of how I felt. I know I have a lot to learn and I feel like the Lord's precious gift is only the beginning of the lesson's I am to learn.

I am constantly moved by the presence of the Lord and His amazing love for us. It's overwhelming. It's truly life changing and I feel like I have that change daily. It becomes more and more real to me every day and I am so grateful for that. I pray that I can communicate that love with people I encounter if even on a minuscule level.. I want the revelation to be real for everyone around me.

It's kinda funny how the Lord does things.. Last summer, for my birthday, I ventured into the world of tattoos. My fiance (now hubby) was a bit of a tattoo man and I knew I always wanted to get something tattooed on me but I didn't want it to just be anything. I mean.. If it was going to be on my body it needed to be legit. Something that would resonate and mean something to me when I'm 60 and trying to talk my grandkids out of getting tattoos. I spent the better part of my first year here in KC studying my bible and learning about the original languages the bible was written in. And I decided Hebrew was the way to go. I love the language. I love the way it looks, the way it sounds, all of it. Anyhow- I decided on Hebrew inscriptions tattooed on my wrists. I knew I wanted them to be meaningful, to be somewhat of a "conversation starter," and its amazing what the Lord gave me to write. Even today, I find it more and more true to my heart.

This morning, while I stood in the upstairs kitchen perfecting my bowl of oatmeal, a girl at my work asked what they mean (a fav question of mine to answer, by the way) and even just speaking it out convicted me. I have 2 very simple phrases but they are so deep when you look into them.. On my right, I have "I am not my own." Or directly translated, "I do not belong to me." And on my left, I have a fairly descriptive translation of the Greek word agape, its a sacrificial love, and directly translated into Hebrew it means, "victim of love." This one unfolds itself over and over to me.

God pours His love over us in such vast amounts that we literally become victims of His love! We cannot even fully comprehend how much love He has for us. I just find that amazing.

I cannot wait to see where the Lord is taking us.. what He has in store for our lil' family... I am just so very thankful to have my Savior guiding me, my husband leading us, and a family to lean on during this exciting time.